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Work Wit – What’s Funny About Business

Work Wit

Our HR Director has given us all barcoded ID tags to wear at work.  It allows the machines to identify us and track our movements.  He says it’s part of the firm’s “Getting to Know You” policy.

Biz Quiz

What U.S. President, in 1992, upon first encountering a supermarket bar code scanner was stunned and perplexed?  George H.W. Bush.  The commonly rumored beliefs that his son, President George W. Bush couldn’t hold the code right-side-up to the reader, and that President Bill Clinton has his mistress do the supermarket shopping, are unsubstantiated

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Necessary Jewelry….Today’s job applicant facing that all-important interview will always remember to remove all body piercings, but wouldn’t dream of removing his fitness earbuds.

Biz Quiz – What percent of Americans wear earbuds?  80 percent of Gen Zers (ages 12 – 27) wear them for an average of 6 hours per day;  From ages 30 on it dwindles from 30 to 17 percent.

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The ME in Team…  Business leaders who are cock-sure confident to the point of lunacy and who ruthlessly slave drive employees for their own personal enrichment, may be assured of great praise by the media, and great debits in their balance sheets.

Biz Quiz

In the 21st century, how many Fortune 500 companies have failed?  52 percent of the U.S. Fortune 500 firms thriving in the year 2000 have failed, gone bankrupt, or disappeared as of 2023.

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Boss of your boss…American business folks believe that if you invent more, network more, and labor longer hours, you may someday be supervising your boss.  Is that the lure of hope – or revenge?

Biz Quiz.  How long do we work?  The U.S. Department of Labor states that the average American worker (all levels) labors 2,200 hours a year.  This compares favorably with the 16,000 – 18,000 hours throughout Europe and the 2,000 in Japan.  The dish of mobility, whether served hot or cold, is apparently a very tasty and desired delicacy.

Work Wit   Desperate Classified Ad… Wanted: Recent college graduates with a greater-than-one-tweet attention span, and Boomers with the patience to solve at least one computer glitch without throwing a tantrum.

Biz Quiz

Are there any Boomers left in the U.S. labor force?  Yes – a few.  As of the 4th quarter 2023, the United States claimed 17.3 million working Boomers (born between 1946 – 1964).  It is expected that by December 2024, we’ll see more working Gen Zers (currently ages 12 – 27) than Boomers.

WORK WIT: Three men were being shipped to a desert island and told they could take only one book.  The Imam took the Koran.  The priest selected the Bible.  Ah, but the entrepreneur grabbed a copy of How to Build a Canoe.

Biz Quiz

What nation boasts the most startup enterprises?  The United States (over 5 million in 2023).  Europe, with more than twice the population, launched 3.4 million new businesses.

Work Wit: The Scowl of Self-Absorbtion…If you get really, really serious about everything that you do, you probably won’t like yourself any better than anyone else does.

Biz Quiz: What percentage of surveyed US workers claim to be passionate about their jobs? 20 % (65% claim to be “satisfied.”)

WORK WIT: America The Beautiful…An entrepreneur knows he’s landed in the right country when he spends more time & money giving rebates to loyal clients than to dubious government officials.

Biz Quiz.  Within the last decade, what percent of new enterprises in the United States are launched by first generation immigrants?  48.7 percent.

WORK WIT: Face to Place…Our last “live” team meeting was attended by eight cups of coffee, one intern, and seven laptop screens sporting faceshots of their owner.

Afterthought: The intern unanimously voted himself to department head, and reported to the CEO that it was the most productive meeting held by our team since he joined the firm.

WORK WIT:  Polishing Your Brilliance…I think the reason so many people keep asking me to write my ideas down is so that they won’t have to listen to them.

Biz Quiz:  If you are given one minute to relate your idea, how many words should you use?  120 – 160 is considered an understandable rate of speech.

WORK WIT: Sharing Your Wealth…A financial planner is an individual who has not been able to make himself rich, but who truly believes that if you give him your money, he can make you both rich.

Biz Quiz:  How many financial planners are active in the U.S.?  About 330,000 – that’s 10 planners for every stock listed in NASDAQ.

WORK WIT:  Smoke & Mirrors…In America, being successful is helpful, but appearing successful is a necessity.

Biz Quiz:  What percent of small businesses closed during the pandemic?  Accuracy is difficult here, but during the 2nd quarter of 2020 federal reserve tracking found 37.4% of small businesse shut doors at least temporarily.

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WORK WIT: Polishing Your Brilliance…I think the reason so many people keep asking me to write my ideas down is so that they won’t have to listen to them.

Biz Quiz:  If you are given one minute to relate your idea, how many words should you use?  120 – 160 is considered an understandable rate of speech.

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Work Wit – Ah, ‘tis Spring… Time for careless banks to melt away and careful bankers to grab their parting bonuses and slither into greener pastures.

Biz Quiz: How many United States banks have failed in the 21st century?  563 failed, leaving 3,123 remaining in 2023.

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Work Wit:  Corona Wonders…What do you call a nation where people sit down and chat face-to-face to share a glass of wine, but stand on a moving treadmill and squint into a screen to share employment in the same company? America the Beautiful.

Biz Quiz: What is the best estimate of treadmill desks purchased in the last decade?  Somewhere between 400,000 and 600,000. https://bartsbooks.com

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Work Wit – America The Beautiful…An entrepreneur knows he’s landed in the right country when he spends more time & money giving rebates to loyal clients than to dubious government officials.

Biz Quiz.  Within the last decade, what percent of new enterprises in the United States are launched by first generation immigrants?  48.7 percent.

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Sign of Our Times…She wouldn’t be caught dead venturing into marriage with an off-the-rack wedding gown, but she thinks nothing of venturing into a new enterprise an AI generated business plan.

Biz Quiz: What is the price of the average wedding gown in the U.S.?  America’s 2.5 million brides this past year paid an average of $2,000 – $4,000 for their wedding gowns.

The American Way… As a patriotic gentleman of business, I whole-heartedly support all legislators who give contracts to my firm.  Of course, those who give contracts to my competitors are irresponsible wastrels and darn fools.

Biz Quiz:  How many government contractors are employed in the U.S.?  You are paying for 5,294 contractors – 55% are male – average age is 46.

5th Annual Delaware River Cleanup

On a sunny Saturday morning of September 17, Bart and Lorraine joined  another 300 muddy, joyful souls along the banks of the Delaware for the 5th Annual Delaware River Cleanup.

Most groups labored by foot, but we joined the canoe crew filling out boats with old chairs and pipes to ancient steering wheels – and a horrendous amount of plastic bottles.  All great fun with a marvelous group of environmentally conscious folks.

Memorial Day Afterthoughts

It is a sad paradox that while all wars are evil tragedies, yet so many individual combatants enter into battle armed with the most altruistic and humane hopes. This past Monday, I heard the story of one such fallen soldier who grew up in the village of Orleans, MA on Cape Cod.
My wife Lorraine and I had joined the townspeople for a powerfully moving service of remembrance in the Orleans’ Veteran’s Park. The Mayor reminded us that, unlike Veterans Day which honors those who have served, Memorial Day pays tribute to those fallen service men and women who made the ultimate commitment and paid the ultimate sacrifice. An elderly Coast Guard officer told the story of Alan, one of Orleans’ three heroes who had died in service of their country.
After graduating from Orleans High School, with the 19 other members of the class of 1938, Alan went to work in town. (The class picture showed only 16 of the class, four being absent due to a regional epidemic of mumps.) Within days of President Roosevelt’s announcing the attack on Pearl Harbor, Alan enlisted in the Navy and rose to the rank of Radioman First Class. From his ship’s position the northern Atlantic, Alan would transmit vital information to Allied convoys. Two years later a German submarine log records sighting and firing three torpedoes at Alan’s ship. Two torpedoes hit midships, sending Alan and all his 245 crewmates to their death. (Exactly how the Coast Guard officer came up with the German log notation, I find fascinating.)
Alan wrote no grand philosophic or patriotic essays, but a few recalled memories from friends and sentences in letters marked Alan’s reasons for going off to war. Unlike the traditional soldier’s hope for plunder or glory, Alan had mentioned that he believed it was his personal responsibility to serve and to protect his nation. A simple belief of one young man, indicating a truly heroic devotion. The Orleans Fire Department Chaplain gave a final prayer urging us, as Abraham Lincoln did following the battle of Gettysburg, to remember these fallen and honor them by rededicating our own lives. Just thought I would share this with you.
– Bart Jackson

My Thanks to You Thanksgiving 2021

Life swirls on all about us unrelentingly.  Perhaps it is the ceaseless exposure to television dramas, novels, and cinema that have us viewing our lives in a series of episodes.  Events hurtle upon us – we struggle – face down the challenges, then it is over.  Behind us.  We move expectantly to a new chapter.  But Life with Covid refuses to wrap up so neatly.  In the fugue of our lives, this plague storms on as a dark, dominant theme, then gets pushed into the background as other dramas unfold and take center stage, capturing our attention.  Couples unite, love triumphs, man’s inevitable inhumanity rages against our compassion…the layers of life pile on.  Yet the plague keeps re-emerging, varying, but it never quite resolves.  It remains one of several stubborn scowling characters, spurning all calls to exit, that we must push to the fringe of our thought.  And, marvelously, we do just that!

This November 2021, I stand struck by the resiliency of the people around me.  Be the gathering real or virtual, after a quick news swap of booster benefits and fears, the mood invariably shifts.  Folks bubble with that verve of celebration.  Hope is joyfully expressed to me constantly from masked mouths; and for the first time in too darn long, I listen to words of gratitude. Last year, I recall penning a post comparing our times with the Pilgims’ example of hopeful thanksgiving as they entered harsh winter with more than half of their numbers lost.  It was meant as a plea to seek out whatever reeds of hope we each could muster.  This year, I find that message as obsolete as diesel fuel for a Tesla.

With so many expectations shattered, we seem to be gathering up shiny realizations of thankfulness from the pieces.  And that feeling of gratitude, I truly believe, is not limited to this man’s narrow experience.  I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.  Humankind’s unquenchable quest to celebrate with joyous thanksgiving defies circumstance, and is as innate and natural as any of our “inevitable” sins.

So this Thanksgiving, allow me to raise my glass to all of you harboring hope and gratitude.  You raise our spirits as we face the next chapter, and we will pass it on.

Wishing you Every Success,

 – Bart Jackson