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Work Wit, Biz Quiz and Curmudgeopedia

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Work Wit

Useful Obsolescence…Previously worn neckties are like old worn auto tires – both are a potential boon, desperately awaiting the right entrepreneur to discover a new use for them.

Biz Quiz

What three professions still cling to the necktie as an imperative part of business dress?  The answer is finance, law, and white-collar thieves; but I repeat myself.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

SOCIAL MEDIA – A more intimate, less personal pathway to competitive status anxiety, that both youngsters and business mistakenly view as a necessity.

 

Work Wit

Being an entrepreneur is truly a liberating experience – you are absolutely free to work any 80 hours a week that you want.

Biz Quiz

In 2024, what is the failure rate for new businesses?  Generally, studies show that 10 percent fail in the first year, another 70 percent don’t survive the second year, and the remaining 10 percent close doors soon after.  This said, the spirit remains undaunted with over 600 million entrepreneurs worldwide, comprising 8 percent of the global population.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

TERRORIST – A dastardly hired/enlisted killer whose organization lacks the funds to buy him a proper uniform.

Work Wit

The trouble with our employees is that they have seem to have other goals in their lives besides increasing our company’s bottom line.  The trouble with our shareholders is that they believe the only way to achieve that increase is to fire all the employees.

Biz Quiz

What are the fastest growing Fortune 500 companies?  Striding into first place is the California technology giant Nvadia, claiming a 163 percent value growth in 2024; with sprawling investment firm Charles Schwab racing along into second place with a 136 percent growth thus far this year.                                                                 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

MEETING – A gathering of grudgingly resigned souls in which minutes are taken and hours are thrown away. (Paraphrased from the meeting-bedeviled President Barack Obama.)

 

Work Wit

Big Box Attack…The mushrooming of big box stores offers a vast array of low quality items with savings so great they can almost be afforded by the slave-waged staffers they hire.

Business Quiz.  How many individual retail storefronts are currently operating within the United States?  According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 1,076,931.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

STOCK MARKET – A desperate gambling den in which the heady liquor of ambition is served instead of opium.

Work Wit

Each business leadership book requires, apparently, a trendy buzzword to give it a veneer of originality.  Our favorites: leadership matrix – data-driven leadership – strategic leadership – disruptive leadership – leading from your gut – leading without your gut.  (real titles.)

Biz Quiz

How many business leadership books are written every year?  Some sources claim an unbelieveable 4.8 billion such tomes are penned annually.  (Disclaimer: ‘tis a statistic probably as accurate and valuable as the proverbs contained within most leading pages.)                                                            ***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

FINANCIAL PLANNER – An individual who is not himself rich, but would have you believe that giving him your money will make you both rich.

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Work Wit

Adrift in Data…If my business were as well organized as my desk, we’d hit Chapter 11 within a month.

Biz Quiz

What is the approximate cost of hiring a professional organizer?  To get your desk and workspace cleaned up and workable runs usually $450, but can go up to $1,500.  To develop a systematic work flow that generates more profit, less stress, and no clutter may require a consultant who charges half of what you currently pay your psychiatrist.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

LEISURE – Time wasted in pursuing those activities you know you really do enjoy, as opposed to those valuable pursuits that others assure you really should enjoy.  See also Wine, Women, Song.

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Work Wit

Advertising executives devote their days to spanning the vast gap between consumer needs and consumer desire, with bridges of cash. 

Biz Quiz

How much do Americans spend on luxury items?  We are holding steady at $77 billion – and about $387 billion worldwide.

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Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

CHILDHOOD – That blissful state of exploratory wonderment experienced by the young prior to their being gifted with electronic devices.

 

Work Wit

Least Valuable Business Books:  Elon Musk’s How To Motivate Your Employees and Donald Trump’s How to Avoid Paying for Contracted Work.

(What we can’t understand is why these two guides are so popular.)

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Biz Quiz

How many business books are published annually?  You have the privilege of enriching your life with approximately 1000 new business tomes every month – nearly 12,000 annually.

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Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

LEVERAGED BUYOUT (LBO) – Using money you don’t have to purchase something you don’t own, but take title and responsibility for, in hopes of paying back stakeholders you don’t know.  Very popular.

Work Wit – What’s Funny About Business

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Work Wit

Our HR Director has given us all barcoded ID tags to wear at work.  It allows the machines to identify us and track our movements.  He says it’s part of the firm’s “Getting to Know You” policy.

Biz Quiz

What U.S. President, in 1992, upon first encountering a supermarket bar code scanner was stunned and perplexed?  George H.W. Bush.  The commonly rumored beliefs that his son, President George W. Bush couldn’t hold the code right-side-up to the reader, and that President Bill Clinton has his mistress do the supermarket shopping, are unsubstantiated

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Necessary Jewelry….Today’s job applicant facing that all-important interview will always remember to remove all body piercings, but wouldn’t dream of removing his fitness earbuds.

Biz Quiz – What percent of Americans wear earbuds?  80 percent of Gen Zers (ages 12 – 27) wear them for an average of 6 hours per day;  From ages 30 on it dwindles from 30 to 17 percent.

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The ME in Team…  Business leaders who are cock-sure confident to the point of lunacy and who ruthlessly slave drive employees for their own personal enrichment, may be assured of great praise by the media, and great debits in their balance sheets.

Biz Quiz

In the 21st century, how many Fortune 500 companies have failed?  52 percent of the U.S. Fortune 500 firms thriving in the year 2000 have failed, gone bankrupt, or disappeared as of 2023.

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Boss of your boss…American business folks believe that if you invent more, network more, and labor longer hours, you may someday be supervising your boss.  Is that the lure of hope – or revenge?

Biz Quiz.  How long do we work?  The U.S. Department of Labor states that the average American worker (all levels) labors 2,200 hours a year.  This compares favorably with the 16,000 – 18,000 hours throughout Europe and the 2,000 in Japan.  The dish of mobility, whether served hot or cold, is apparently a very tasty and desired delicacy.

Work Wit   Desperate Classified Ad… Wanted: Recent college graduates with a greater-than-one-tweet attention span, and Boomers with the patience to solve at least one computer glitch without throwing a tantrum.

Biz Quiz

Are there any Boomers left in the U.S. labor force?  Yes – a few.  As of the 4th quarter 2023, the United States claimed 17.3 million working Boomers (born between 1946 – 1964).  It is expected that by December 2024, we’ll see more working Gen Zers (currently ages 12 – 27) than Boomers.

WORK WIT: Three men were being shipped to a desert island and told they could take only one book.  The Imam took the Koran.  The priest selected the Bible.  Ah, but the entrepreneur grabbed a copy of How to Build a Canoe.

Biz Quiz

What nation boasts the most startup enterprises?  The United States (over 5 million in 2023).  Europe, with more than twice the population, launched 3.4 million new businesses.

Work Wit: The Scowl of Self-Absorbtion…If you get really, really serious about everything that you do, you probably won’t like yourself any better than anyone else does.

Biz Quiz: What percentage of surveyed US workers claim to be passionate about their jobs? 20 % (65% claim to be “satisfied.”)

WORK WIT: America The Beautiful…An entrepreneur knows he’s landed in the right country when he spends more time & money giving rebates to loyal clients than to dubious government officials.

Biz Quiz.  Within the last decade, what percent of new enterprises in the United States are launched by first generation immigrants?  48.7 percent.

WORK WIT: Face to Place…Our last “live” team meeting was attended by eight cups of coffee, one intern, and seven laptop screens sporting faceshots of their owner.

Afterthought: The intern unanimously voted himself to department head, and reported to the CEO that it was the most productive meeting held by our team since he joined the firm.

WORK WIT:  Polishing Your Brilliance…I think the reason so many people keep asking me to write my ideas down is so that they won’t have to listen to them.

Biz Quiz:  If you are given one minute to relate your idea, how many words should you use?  120 – 160 is considered an understandable rate of speech.

WORK WIT: Sharing Your Wealth…A financial planner is an individual who has not been able to make himself rich, but who truly believes that if you give him your money, he can make you both rich.

Biz Quiz:  How many financial planners are active in the U.S.?  About 330,000 – that’s 10 planners for every stock listed in NASDAQ.

WORK WIT:  Smoke & Mirrors…In America, being successful is helpful, but appearing successful is a necessity.

Biz Quiz:  What percent of small businesses closed during the pandemic?  Accuracy is difficult here, but during the 2nd quarter of 2020 federal reserve tracking found 37.4% of small businesse shut doors at least temporarily.

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WORK WIT: Polishing Your Brilliance…I think the reason so many people keep asking me to write my ideas down is so that they won’t have to listen to them.

Biz Quiz:  If you are given one minute to relate your idea, how many words should you use?  120 – 160 is considered an understandable rate of speech.

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Work Wit – Ah, ‘tis Spring… Time for careless banks to melt away and careful bankers to grab their parting bonuses and slither into greener pastures.

Biz Quiz: How many United States banks have failed in the 21st century?  563 failed, leaving 3,123 remaining in 2023.

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Work Wit:  Corona Wonders…What do you call a nation where people sit down and chat face-to-face to share a glass of wine, but stand on a moving treadmill and squint into a screen to share employment in the same company? America the Beautiful.

Biz Quiz: What is the best estimate of treadmill desks purchased in the last decade?  Somewhere between 400,000 and 600,000. https://bartsbooks.com

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Work Wit – America The Beautiful…An entrepreneur knows he’s landed in the right country when he spends more time & money giving rebates to loyal clients than to dubious government officials.

Biz Quiz.  Within the last decade, what percent of new enterprises in the United States are launched by first generation immigrants?  48.7 percent.

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Sign of Our Times…She wouldn’t be caught dead venturing into marriage with an off-the-rack wedding gown, but she thinks nothing of venturing into a new enterprise an AI generated business plan.

Biz Quiz: What is the price of the average wedding gown in the U.S.?  America’s 2.5 million brides this past year paid an average of $2,000 – $4,000 for their wedding gowns.

The American Way… As a patriotic gentleman of business, I whole-heartedly support all legislators who give contracts to my firm.  Of course, those who give contracts to my competitors are irresponsible wastrels and darn fools.

Biz Quiz:  How many government contractors are employed in the U.S.?  You are paying for 5,294 contractors – 55% are male – average age is 46.

5th Annual Delaware River Cleanup

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On a sunny Saturday morning of September 17, Bart and Lorraine joined  another 300 muddy, joyful souls along the banks of the Delaware for the 5th Annual Delaware River Cleanup.

Most groups labored by foot, but we joined the canoe crew filling out boats with old chairs and pipes to ancient steering wheels – and a horrendous amount of plastic bottles.  All great fun with a marvelous group of environmentally conscious folks.

Memorial Day Afterthoughts

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It is a sad paradox that while all wars are evil tragedies, yet so many individual combatants enter into battle armed with the most altruistic and humane hopes. This past Monday, I heard the story of one such fallen soldier who grew up in the village of Orleans, MA on Cape Cod.
My wife Lorraine and I had joined the townspeople for a powerfully moving service of remembrance in the Orleans’ Veteran’s Park. The Mayor reminded us that, unlike Veterans Day which honors those who have served, Memorial Day pays tribute to those fallen service men and women who made the ultimate commitment and paid the ultimate sacrifice. An elderly Coast Guard officer told the story of Alan, one of Orleans’ three heroes who had died in service of their country.
After graduating from Orleans High School, with the 19 other members of the class of 1938, Alan went to work in town. (The class picture showed only 16 of the class, four being absent due to a regional epidemic of mumps.) Within days of President Roosevelt’s announcing the attack on Pearl Harbor, Alan enlisted in the Navy and rose to the rank of Radioman First Class. From his ship’s position the northern Atlantic, Alan would transmit vital information to Allied convoys. Two years later a German submarine log records sighting and firing three torpedoes at Alan’s ship. Two torpedoes hit midships, sending Alan and all his 245 crewmates to their death. (Exactly how the Coast Guard officer came up with the German log notation, I find fascinating.)
Alan wrote no grand philosophic or patriotic essays, but a few recalled memories from friends and sentences in letters marked Alan’s reasons for going off to war. Unlike the traditional soldier’s hope for plunder or glory, Alan had mentioned that he believed it was his personal responsibility to serve and to protect his nation. A simple belief of one young man, indicating a truly heroic devotion. The Orleans Fire Department Chaplain gave a final prayer urging us, as Abraham Lincoln did following the battle of Gettysburg, to remember these fallen and honor them by rededicating our own lives. Just thought I would share this with you.
– Bart Jackson