The Best Exercise

My wife has taken up resistance training to reduce stress.  It involves three sets daily of pushing back against those workplace windbags bloated with their own self-importance.

Afterthought.  Sometimes, all it takes is a little “Don’t mess with me” comment to puncture those stress-inciters back into their properly deflated places.

Do You Know Who Said:

“The desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature that distinguishes man from animals.”

Hint: Called “one of the greatest diagnosticians to ever wield a stethoscope,” This Canadian-born physician was one of the founding four professors at Johns Hopkins Hospital, and created the first physician residency program, which has kept young trainee-doctors sleeplessly laboring 22-hour days ever since.

 

The Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Los Angeles is the only town in the world where you can wake up in the morning and listen to the birds coughing in the trees,” was Joe Frisco.

Work Wit

Laboring Divisions…My boss believes in the Credit & Stick approach to management.  She takes all the credit and sticks us with all the work.

Biz Quiz

How many books do Fortune 500 CEOs read a year?  According to a Fast Company Magazine survey, top CEOs read 60 books annually, with Bill Gates selecting Catcher in the Rye; Mark Zuckerberg choosing Virgil’s The Aeneid;  and Pepsi CEO Indra Nooyi opting for The Road To Character, as their personal favorites.

Curmudgeopedia

Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

CONTRACTOR – A unique breed of employee who shows up for work, schedule permitting, and whom owners are equally lackadaisical about compensating.

Finally, The Good News

Uniting Our Nations Positively

Last week, one of my most well-read, intellectually aware friends noted that “the United Nations was irrelevant,” indicating that 760 United Nations Plaza in Manhattan produced little more than manifestos and talk.  He was wrong, of course.  But I must admit that it is the U.N.’s own darn fault that even the best informed remain totally unaware of the immense number of great advantages they constantly lavish upon humankind.  Like public libraries, the UN performs a magnificent job of hiding its world-bettering light under a bushel.

So if you will allow me to take up the much-needed United Nations’ PR megaphone…Listen to just this brief handful of benefits lavished on the world’s citizens:

*Journalistic Safety – UN peacekeeping forces established a safe and unrestricted climate for journalists, ensuring a free press most recently in Tunisia, and eight other countries this past year.

* Women’s Property Rights – Seven nations were persuaded/pressured to allow women the right to own property. This provides widows the right to own their own houses and women to hold the profits from their own businesses.

* One Trillion Trees.  In 2015 our planet had dropped to three trillion trees – down from the four trillion in pre-industrial times.  To replenish our atmosphere, land and water, and ensure human survival, the UN spearheads a global trillion-tree reforesting amalgam of programs.  Our favorite: hiring homeless in Europe to plant trees for which they receive carbon credit cards. (Very clever.)

* Children Saved. Operating in 190 countries, the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) has raised the primary education rate worldwide to 87 percent.  And millions of children have been saved from malnutrition worldwide.

* Refugee Aid. Amidst Israel’s continued bombing of Palestine’s homes and hospitals, United Nations aid workers have set up 318 shelters supplied food and medical attention to refuges.  Additionally, in the Gaza, Ukraine, and the Sudan the UN has formed NGO coalitions to maintain infrastructure and education facilities.

What can you do?  Why not celebrate Easter by taking a visit to UN.org/en/actnow  and discover how you may join the United Nations’ fight and contribute to our common future.

Wishing All People Everywhere a Joyous Easter

– Bart Jackson

 

 

 

Haste Makes ??

Promotions go to those who make quick decisions, but it’s the engineer of that slow, thoughtful, profitable solution who makes shareholders smile.

Afterthought. America is in love with speed.  But in my evening, easy-chair moments, I question the connection of frantic thought and activity with actual progress.  I must be getting old.

Do You Know Who Said:

          “Los Angeles is the only town in the world where you can wake up in the morning and listen to the birds coughing in the trees.”

Hint: Noted for his derby hat and huge cigar, this jazz-dancing comedian wowed Hollywood film lovers from the 1920’s to the 1950’s and was the father of the phrase, “Don’t applaud, folks, just throw money.”

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Sanity and Happiness are an impossible combination,” was Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain).

Work Wit

Drowning in Detritus…if this company were as well organized as my desk, we’d hit Chapter 11 within two months.

Biz Quiz

What does a professional organizer cost?  Depending on whether its setting your home office straight, or setting the CEO’s suite in workable order, organizing professionals typically charge $30 to $150 per hour.  Firms with catchy names, such as “The Tidy Nerd” and “Sort & Sweet,” offer assessment and initial straightening sessions running $225 for three hours; $679 for nine hours.  A true bargain.

 

Curmudgeopedia Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

GOVERNMENT – 1) A method of legitimizing bandits to ensure that the sweat of the many will further enrich the very few.  2) The first refuge of the egregiously greedy. 3) An inert repository for people’s grandest hopes and most dubious solutions.

Finally, The Good News

Breaths of Fresh Air

While the Heritage Foundation is tacitly endowing professors to preach the right-wing gospel of obedient followership, American universities are coming back with a more positive, planet-saving step: The Sustainability Chancellor.  As Colorado University’s Chancellor Dr. Justin Schwarz notes, “Sustainability is the most pressing issue facing humankind.  We need to ensure that human life continues on this planet (and is) a life worth living.”  Schwartz has hired Vice Chancellor Andrew Maylock as CU’s Chief Sustainability Officer.  Maylock is one of a whole new academic wave.  The University of Maryland, Chicago University, University of Pittsburgh, Berkeley, University of Nebraska-Lincoln are just a few of the scores of higher learning institutions that are bringing on Chancellors who take humanity’s environmental stewardship very seriously.

The Association of Corporate Counsel, the global bar association and knowledge center, has recently laid out the job description of this new career opportunity.  Far more than a figurehead position, The Chancellor of Sustainability stands empowered to: take environmental audits of her institution and make improvements; to lay out new operating programs to the board; to conduct staff and faculty training sessions; handle compliance; and to assess the university’s supply chain to ensure the use of environmentally sustainable materials.  For those who believe the goal of our colleges is to equip the next generation of leaders with examples and tools to face the world’s upcoming challenges, the Sustainability Chancellor makes a giant stride in the right direction.

For further details about Sustainability Chancellors visit ACC.com.  For further good news visit www.bartsbooks.com.

***

Competitive Nirvana

Each of us seeks that path leading to calm, sweet peace, and serenity – if only that clown ahead of me would get the heck out of my way.

 Afterthought.  I read online that the Buddha gives a prize to the person who obtains tranquility & enlightenment cheaper, faster, and better than anyone else.  So it must be true.

***

Do You Know Who Said:

          “Sanity and Happiness are an impossible combination”

Hint: Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass and Josh were two of the three pen names employed by this noted humorist.

 Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “I am a New Yorker, and 7 a.m. is a civilized hour to finish the day, not to start it,” was Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor.

***

Work Wit

I guess my supervisor must like all my ideas, otherwise why would he keep taking credit for them?

 

Biz Quiz

Which kind of proposed solutions are most likely to benefit your company?  A) Previously tried and proven true.  B) Innovative – outside the box.  C) Disruptive.  D) Those that please the shareholders.  E) Those designed to curry favor with the CEO.  F) Those provided by the highest paid consultant.  Answer: None of the above, necessarily.

 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It 

DATA DRIVEN – A short-cut method of corporate governance which bypasses all human intellect, giving complete authority to the wisdom of numbers gleaned from surveys with strangers.

***

 Readers’ Wit  – Salubrious sharings from fellow quipsters

Lifelong insight developer of all things historical, scientific, and theological, Dave Boyd contributed this perhaps apocryphal conversation:

Scholar:  Your Holiness, I have been reviewing our copies of the sacred manuscripts, and I have discovered an egregious typographical error.  Oh, it’s terrible.

Pope:  Now calm yourself my son.  How unforgiveable can a single misspelling be?

Scholar:  Well, Your Holiness, in the book of Priestly Mandates, the monk copying the text left the “R” out of celebrate.

Pope:  That does indeed change things.

***

Snippets from my upcoming book Fellow Travelers

                                                  The INDABA

The assignment was to report on just how, and how well, the southern nations in Africa were handling the challenges of literacy in these swiftly changing times at the end of the 20^th century.  Accompanied and guided by my librarian wife Lorraine, I was to glean fodder for my articles in Harare, Zimbabwe, holding an international INDABA – a Bantu word for a convening of peoples to address a serious issue.  Before or since, I have seldom seen a gathering of so many truly wise and creative people so intent on uplifting their fellows.  Here, in intense yet joyful parley, came Africa’s intellectual, educational, and publishing elite.  The spread of new digital tools and their varied benefits seeped, quite naturally, into every conversation.  Yet everyone, from Philip, the Tanzanian multi-tribal-language publisher to Henri, the education minister of Botswana, knew that technology alone, as always, was not the answer.

The real and daunting challenge lay deep in Africa’s most cherished roots.  Most Africans found their authority, lore, and knowledge in their rich oral tradition.  It is this wildly inventive spoken tradition that makes the black community the second largest creator of new English words.  The unfortunate side of this coin is that the written word placed a poor second as source of learning.  The call these gentlemen and ladies faced was to have their peoples accept the added value of books, while fully maintaining their powerful oral tradition.   The energy was exhilarating, the solutions were many, and much was accomplished.  Today, visitors to southern Africa’s nations find it all too easy to focus on the various ebbs and flows of political strife.  But as I revisit these lands 25 years later, I can but shake my head with admiration at the gift these cultural leaders have launched and sustained in their homelands.

                                                            ***   

Keeping Us Hopping

While politics may make strange bedfellows, to witness the most bizarre of dancing partners clutched in the most unsightly two-steps, one has only to peek behind the curtains on the backstage of finance.

Afterthought.  Watching finely suited financiers with ill-suited partners eagerly contort to the tune of profit may seem amusing – provided the money they are hungrily seeking isn’t coming from your pocketbook.

***

Do You Know Who Said:

          “I am a New Yorker, and 7 a.m. is a civilized hour to finish the  day, not to start it.”

Hint: This fiery, Bronx-projects-born Supreme Court Justice explains her incredible energy by noting “The Latina in me is an ember that blazes forever.”

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water,” was Eleanor Roosevelt.

Work Wit     Aging Out…Our company has a very aged staff.  We don’t allow any employee to retire until he has accomplished something.

Biz Quiz

Is the annual retirement age rising or falling?  In 2024 the average retirement age was 62; compared with age 57 in 1991, and 59 in 2022.  The statistics on the number of CEOs who should have retired a decade earlier than they did, vary greatly depending on those surveyed.

          Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life As We Live It

SPECULATION – Purchasing an item devoid of any interest or value, in the dubious belief that an army of bigger fools than yourself stands waiting to pay more to make the same mistake.  2) The courage to run where the wise dare not go.

Readers’ Wit  – Salubrious sharings from fellow quipsters.

Noted IT trainer, author, and joyful musician of Scottish tunes, the dry-witted Mary Abdill contributed this cartoon dialogue ‘twixt two ladies at a job interview:

Employer: We’re looking for someone who can do the work of two men.

Candidate: Oh, so it’s only part time.

Thanks, m’lady

Finally, the Good News

                                                  Absence of Enemy

These past two weeks, 13,000+ women from more than 135 countries have swarmed into Manhattan to attend the United Nations’ Annual Convention on the Status of Women.  My wife Lorraine has served as a commission delegate for several years and she came home brimming with uplifting news.  It filled me with hope just to listen: Iceland’s new Prime Minister Katrin Jakobsdottir rolled out her whole series of legislation ensuring women’s equality in the workplace, along with greater opportunities in educational and corporate leadership.  Energetic organizers from several Latin American and Caribbean countries in turn reported on the founding of new schools and programs promoting education for those at the lower end of the economic scale.  The urge to learn is changing literacy from luxury to necessity.  African women increasingly are winning the battle to ensure women’s right to own property, (This writer’s personal bailiwick).

Yet through all this effort to raise the life quality of our world’s women and girls, one feature was blessedly absent.  None of these hard-striving women wasted time casting blame.  No cliché accusations about misogynistic males holding ladies down, no endless bemoaning griping about governmentally regressive laws and the lunatics proposing them.  These dedicated achievers simply don’t have time for that.  They were each too busy building the improvements they could accomplish, to tear others down and cry in their espressos.  There seems to be an admirable lesson in attitude, I think.  Do you?

To learn more about the 68^th Annual convention on the Status of Women visit www.unwomen.org.

         

Chances of a Lifetime

 

Politics offers totally immoral people the opportunity to commit beneficially moral acts.  Alas, opportunities for the reverse also abound.

Afterthought.  The fool judges each deed by his admiration for the doer, and each message by the charisma of its messenger.  The wise person scrutinizes each separately, and still walks away puzzled.

***

Do You Know Who Said:

          “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Hint: This amazingly powerful and insightful First Lady acted as “The President’s Legs,” traveling the nation, uplifting spirits of Americans from the depths of its greatest fiscal and spiritual depression.  Her daily newspaper column My Day was required reading in many schools.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Many are saved from sin by being so inept at it,” was Mignon McLaughlin.

***

Work Wit:

Worse Than a Pink Slip…This morning we all got called back to the office full time – just when I had bought my new pair of remote-work bunny slippers.

Biz Quiz

What percentage of the workforce in the U.S. is working remotely?  Six percent of the U.S. workforced worked at least partially remotely in January 2019.  By 2023, it had risen to 12.2 percent.  And in 2024, 65 percent stated that they wanted to work remotely.  The number who want to collect a paycheck at the office but never perform any work at all is in the upper 99 percentile range.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life As We Live It

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS – A vaguely understood interruption apparently designed to give farmers the chance to work harder and longer, after their subsidies have been cut.

***

Readers’ Wit  – Salubrious sharings from fellow quipsters.

Globe-trotting Air Force General Harris Kline notes:

Demonstrating the importance of the lowly comma, this

telegram was sent from a Wife to her Husband Overseas:
“NOT GETTING ANY, BETTER COME HOME AT ONCE.”

-Good, for you Harris                                                

Finally, the Good News

                              Music Hath Charms

Lasting from 1948 – 1994, South Africa’s segregationist Apartheid served to confine bone-crushing poverty to one racial group, while restricting freedom exclusively to the other (the fearful minority.)  And despite its many global apologists, it proved wincingly cruel, shamefully inhumane, and totally destructive.  Thus if you were a young black boy in 1984, caught in the grip of this violence-enforced system and surrounded by the seething foment of violent rioting against it, hate might seem the sole answer.  Yet amidst it all, 10 black Christian high-schoolers found a better solution, through music.

Gaining police permission to sing for “no more than 30 minutes” after school, these young men called upon their Zulu heritage and formed the choral ensemble Thula Sizwe.  Ten years later, when Apartheid ended, the group became cultural ambassadors for the new “Rainbow Nation” of South Africa.

Since then, the men of Thula Sizwe have traveled and performed, filling audiences worldwide with a joyfully contagious enthusiasm that sets even the most staid listeners swaying to their beat.  If you would like to sample some of this soul-inspiring music, and learn how you might invite them to perform, just type into your search engine: Thula Sizwe –  which aptly translates into “Be still and listen to what our world is saying.”

To discover fascinating souls, visit BartsBooks.com.

                                                            ***

 Fiscal Values

The more money you make the more people are inclined to believe you deserve it.

Afterthought.  Those who truly believe cash is the only answer will want to attend Ms. Maye Musk’s “How I raised the richest man in the world” speech. (Yes, she’s actually on the lecture circuit.)  Or, of course, you could invest the money you do have by taking your kid to a ball game, rooting for the home team together, and getting her a hot dog with extra mustard.  Almost heaven.

***

Do You Know Who Said:

               “Many are saved from sin by being so inept at it.”

Hint: This sardonic, mid-twentieth-century American journalist gathered her collection of clever witticisms in The Neurotic’s Notebook, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, and The Complete Neurotic’s Notebook; while her more stable husband Robert edited Time Magazine and penned “A Short Wait Between Trains.”

Author of Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse,” was Groucho Marx.

***

Work Wit

In the Ear of the Beholder…Basing your marketing strategy on statistical data alone is like judging a beauty contest by listening to a radio description of the candidates.

Biz Quiz

How much money does Miss America win/earn?  Typically, Miss America winners receive $50,000 – $60,000 for scholarships to the four-year college of their choice, plus a six-figure salary to finance her year-long tour spent traveling across the United States to promote the social issue of her choice.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

INSURANCE – A business that sells customers fear of worst-case disasters in return for lifelong cash premiums, resulting in a deftly denied claim at the end of term.

Statistically noted:  This past year U.S. insurers have denied 850 million of the 5 billion received claims, with Cigna of California given top honors – denying one claim every 1.2 seconds for the last two months.

***

Briefly Hanging Tales  –  Spontaneous Generations

He was everything we wish we were: clever, alert, and in his twenties.  “How far ahead should I be planning my career,” he was asking.  It was the Q&A time, after my hopefully helpful speech to a hall full of job seekers, and he was in the front row.  “Until the end of this evening,” blurted my knee-jerk response.  “Once you get that first position, an avalanche of new opportunities will keep flowing your way daily.  Just keep your antennae up and be ready to seize the most rewarding ones.”

My metaphorically-mixed answer seemed to satisfy the young man who held his whole life in front of him.  Yet, as always, youth’s questions had instructed those steeped in experience.  I keep thinking how for each of us, at any age, life’s avalanche of opportunities keeps sliding by.  I could elucidate, but the sun has just come out and so I think I’ll go paddle my canoe.

For further fun and poignancies, visit Bartsbooks.com.

                                                                                          ***

 

Snarling For Supper

Be it baboons, birds, or humanity, the first law of forming a society seems to be that all members must spend more time fighting each other for food than eating it.

Afterthought.  Sort of makes one wonder how any flocking group is able to survive at all.

***

Do You Know Who Said:

          “Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.”

Hint. This brother of Chico, Harpo, Gummo, and Zeppo, bet his life by getting married three times, and kept landing in Duck Soup.

Author of Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Virtue must be valuable, if men and women of high degrees all pretend to have it,” was Edgar Watson (E.W.) Howe.

***

Work Wit

America is the only nation where you can become a hedge fund manager, psychologist, financial advisor, or priest by simply hanging out a shingle, but to become a beautician, you must study, pass an exam, and obtain a license.  After all, we have our priorities.

Biz Quiz

What does it cost to become a registered cosmetologist?  In the most rigorous of states, candidates must pay to enter an accredited school, followed by an exam which involves a $50 application fee; $90 licensing fee for the first year, $45 for the second year; and may include another $$235 in endorsement fees.  Even if you have a license in another state, you still must go through that state’s school and exam to profitably plaster on the hair gel.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

TARIFF – A remedy for curing beneficial trade, designed to simultaneously impoverish the nation that makes and the nation that takes.

***

A snippet from my upcoming book Fellow Travelers…

Making It in the Big City

Disembarking onto the tarmac of St. Petersburg’s airport, the nail-driving February wind gave understanding as to why Vodka is a national pastime in Russia.  After gathering our baggage and zipping through a surprisingly efficient customs process, we faced the tough but typical challenge of making our way into to some tiny, unpronounceable hostel on some unpronounceable alley, somewhere in the City of Peter the Great.  (The host of Lorraine’s small international sub-committee meeting had selected it, supplying us only the name and address.)

Armed with our hastily memorized 100-Russian-word cheatsheets, (an old traveling habit) we made our way through the first two busses.  But soon after boarding the third, we were entirely lost, and definitely heading somewhere.

Frantically canvassing our fellow passengers for directions, our amusing version of Russian proved beyond comprehension.

Then, from a seat in back an utterly beautiful, young, dark-haired lass rose and in stately, flawless English asked, “May I be of assistance?”   Dallia was also making her first foray into St. Petersburg, and had changed onto our bus after a 26-hour bus ride from her remote village in Siberia.  She was venturing to make her way in the big city as a dancer.  No, not as the proverbial Russian ballerina, but as, hopefully, a ballroom dancing professional.  Dallia had mastered English in her spare time from a teacher and the school’s internet program.  She saved us with a complete set of instructions for finding our lodging.  During our stay, we watched Dallia and her new partner dazzle us at their studio.  The couple moved swiftly up the contest competition ladder.  She was as graceful as she was kind.  Over dinners, she awed us with the contrast between her small village and this massive metropolis.  We had no doubt that this young lady was well on her way to carving out a successful artistic career.  Our best wishes to all those enterprising souls who take the risk and shoot for the stars.

 

Just Punch This Button

 As our world grows ever more complex and confusing, it is refreshing to witness how retailers have so simplified the purchasing process, whisking our money into their wallets, that we barely feel a thing.

 Afterthought.  In fact, the whole act of buying slides by so smoothly that I’ve somehow lost any connection between the money I spend and the money I have.  Ah well, click here to subscribe.

***

Do You Know Who Said?

          “Virtue must be valuable, if men and women of all degrees   pretend to have it.”

Hint: This late19^th – early 20^th century journalist and novelist published Colorado’s Golden Globe newspaper at the age of 19 and gave us great insights into America’s Midwest with such books as The Story of a Country Town.

         The Answer to Last Week’s Question was:

The person who said, “Always mistrust all in whom the urge to punish is strong,” was Friedrich Nietzsche.

                                                      Work Wit

Walking the Walk… The supportive venture capitalist has the ability to put himself in the entrepreneur’s shoes…followed by his hands on their share certificates.

Biz Quiz

In the realm of Venture Capital funding, what is the 80/20 rule?  The most popular version of this maxim is that 80 percent of the returns come from 20 percent of the deals.  (In the case of the 3,417 U.S. VC firms, this would mean that of their 13,608 VC deals last year, worth $170.6 billion, about 2,700 investments profited them $136 billion.)

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definition of Life as We Live It

EQUITY INVESTING –  Borrowing money you don’t have, from people you don’t know and cannot repay, to buy a failing company you know nothing about, in the dubious hopes that this firm can pay off the debt and turn a profit at the same time.  Very popular.

Finally, the Good News

Passing It On

If you frivolously fritter enough of your time taking stabs and jabs at humor, eventually it will come barreling back at you from those same victims upon whom you inflict your own jokes.  And frankly, Scarlet, this is absolutely wonderful.  The good Lord has, for wry reasons of His own, secreted a gnarly little gene in each of our messy DNA, predisposing each Homo Sapiens to anxiously share that quip, story, little joke, or cartoon that will spark laughter in their fellows.  And I, for one, nightly thank Heavens for this universally oh-so-human trait.  Below you will find one such example, shared with me from friend Mike, which set this writer howling – but first, Please, Please, follow your own funny gene.  I invite all of you to send along any dollop of humor, insightful irony, or bit of clever wit to info@bartsbooks.com which we may gleefully post in our Quips Newsletter, and pass along to others (with proper accreditation, of course).   Can’t wait to hear from you.

And as an example, here’s what Mike found and passed on to us:

How to Write Good: 1) Avoid alliteration always; 2) Prepositions are not words to end sentences with; 3) Avoid clichés like the plague. They are old hat. 4) Comparisons are as bad as clichés; 5) Be more or less specific; 6) Writers should never generalize; Seven: Be consistent; 8) Don’t be redundant. Don’t use more words than necessary. They’re superfluous; 9) Who needs rhetorical questions?; and 10) Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

***

The Shylock Solution

American’s are a comfortable people who passionately believe nothing is more important than cutting fat from their own waistlines and other people’s wallets.

Afterthought. One might think that it would be difficult to overindulge in the face of folks being denied necessities, but I guess it depends on the height of your perch.

Do You Know Who Said:

          “Always mistrust all in whom the urge to punish is strong.”

Hint: This noted German philosopher, authored Beyond Good & Evil, and then later, after his three marriage proposals to a lass called Salome were rejected, he wrote the landmark article, God is Dead.

Work Wit

Properly Clouded…When a corporation aims solely at shareholder profit, it is amazing the number of lies they must spin to appear acting in the public interest.

Biz Quiz

How much do marketing/pr firms suggest an established company should spend on PR?   Firms that will be beneficiaries of such spending tend to advise that up to 100 percent of all revenue and savings is wise.  Firms with no fiscal interest in the trade, typically suggest 10 – 15 percent of revenue.  An estimated $24 billion will be spent by U.S. businesses for PR services in 2025.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

OBSESSION – The proper attitude towards one’s salaried occupation, as defined by his/her employer.

***

A snippet from my upcoming book Fellow Travelers…

                                                  Angel – In the Nick ‘O Time

The southwest edge of New Zealand’s South Island sees (and feels) more rain annually that London, Edinburgh, and Tokyo combined.  Typically 300 some inches.  Down that way, on a soggy night amidst a nameless forest, Lorraine and I disembarked our intrepid Fiat and dashed for the door of the unmarked, Quonset-style “Batch” (Kiwi term for an exquisitely primitive bachelor crib).

Inside, we found our damp, dripping selves alone, staring confusedly at a wall-size, wood burning stove with a dozen levers and chains, each supposedly with some necessary function.   Twenty minutes later, I had scrounged up and loaded nearly dry firewood into its yawning maw, studied all the metallic configurations, lit a match, and prayed.  Gradually, the room warmed – and filled with gently wafting clouds of smoke.  Lorraine, true to her nature, grew slightly alarmed.  “What have you done now?”

Then, just as it was getting difficult to see… came a knock at the door.  Drenched, slightly puzzled, but bearing a broad smile, our caller bid us good evening.  He was lost in this forest, and seeking directions to some other dwelling located on a real road.  By sheerest chance, and no little earlier study, I was able to spread out maps and supply him with a hopeful answer.

“By the way,” I queried, amid the ever-thickening fumes, “do you know anything about this kind of stove?”

“Oh yes,” he nodded abruptly, as he reached over and gave a hefty yank on some strange metal rod.  “You just need to pull that one.  Nice meeting you.”  And he was gone, shutting our door behind him.

Within moments the air cleared and my bride and I cozied down before the fire’s blessed heat.  I had never learned his name.  Never had enough time to thank him for his salvation.  But that night I truly thanked the heavens for sending us our timely ministering angel.  And when at last I come to my true reward, at least I’ll know how to tend the furnace.

***

The Buzz of Life

The difference between the termite hive and the human hive is that the former is organized for the common good.

 Afterthought.  The similarity, of course, is that in both hives the leaders constantly lay eggs, and neither hive quite knows what to do with its drones.

Do You Know Who Said:

“Why doesn’t the fellow who says, ‘I’m no public speaker,’ let  it go at that, instead of giving us a demonstration?”

 Hint: This journalist and artist, dubbed by Will Rogers as “America’s greatest humorist,” developed the rustic Abe Martin cartoon which for 26 straight years poked vicious truths at legislators and set our nation laughing.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it,” was Laurence J. Peter.

 

 Work Wit

That Most Passionate Bond…Based on the number of hours lovers stare at each other vs. the number of hours they spend with eyes glued to their screens, our firm’s greeting card department has come up with a new line of Valentines for owners to send their cell phones.

Biz Quiz

How many Valentines Cards are sent annually? Hallmark’s studies estimate that 145 million Valentines Day cards are sent to beloved ones in the U.S. annually (excluding kids’ cards exchanged in schools), and over 1 billion will be sent worldwide.  Let’s hear it for love & romance.

 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

PLEASURE – An enjoyment which historically is practiced naturally by the lower classes, such as kissing, dancing, and beer; but must be painfully cultivated in the upper classes, such as sitting through opera or burning witches.

***

 

Finally the Good news

                              HIP, HIP HOORAY FOR VALENTINES DAY

One of my ten favorite definitions of love is: that marvelous state of being in which your own well being is dependent on the well being of another.   Just think for a moment.  Love is probably the only emotion that we deem worthy of its own celebration day.   There are no cards sent for Hate or for Anger’s special day.  No champagne corks pop for Fear Day.  No one gets chocolate in celebration of Greed.  (No.  Election day does not count.)  The reason is markedly simple: we love to love.  We love to be loved.  And romance, well, it makes us joyfully lose our mind.  (Personal examples excluded.)

Those of you who have stumbled across my biography will note that this scribbler’s most prized writings are the poems he has written to his beloved, which stand published on the north wall of our house.  So, if you will, allow me to share a brief segment of the Valentine poem, “Fortune Smiles,” penned years ago for my bride…

                              Love is a chalice

                    From which each one may sip,

                              Thereby enriching all.

                              Hate is a bowl,

                    In which unfortunate souls wallow

                In vain hope of staunching their pain.

          The Fates have sent me Sweet Lorraine

                              My Soul overflows

                    I have no need of the bowl.

                    Happy Valentines Day

***

Bridge Table Benefits

My broker has just offered me a fossil fuel investment that she assures me “will pay me back in Spades.”  Instead I bid her to find one that returned my investment in No Trump.

Afterthought.  And I was even more dubious about her Greenland real estate deal.  But somehow, her list of fallout shelter startups is beginning to hold real appeal.

                                                            ***

Do You Know Who Said:

          “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear, but forgetting where you heard it.”

Hint: This wry Canadian author and educator developed the Principle bearing his own name, stating that “in a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to the level of his own incompetence.”

         Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “there is nothing so fallacious as facts, except, of course, figures,” was Sir George Canning.

                                                Work Wit

Service With a Byte…Our firm’s latest AI customer service system comes with the ultimate guarantee: double our money back if any customer ever receives a refund, comes away satisfied, or ever manages to talk to a human being.

Biz Quiz

What three industries proudly claim the greatest number of buyer complaints and lawsuits?

1. Auto industry (deceptive financing and advertising claims, faulty repairs, towing scams).

2. Home improvement (shoddy work, failure to start or complete job).

3. Landlord/Tennant (unsafe conditions, failure to repair, illegal eviction tactics).                                                    

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

TAXATION – A form of piracy popularly practiced by nation states in which the pirates proffer dubious assurances to those robbed that they have their best interests at heart.                                                          ***

Finally, the Good News

                                                  On The Shoulders of Giants

It is said that the best technologies study great ideas from the past and reshape them to function in the future.  So how do Peruvian engineers get water to Lima’s 10 million residents (500 ft. elev.) from Andean peaks rising 15,000 feet above sea level?  Well, their first step has been to trace the ingenius 32-mile system of ancient amunas – pre-Incan water canals built five centuries ago.  This intertwined network of hand-dug reservoirs and stone-lined channels was sweatingly constructed to move rainwater around the numerous villages perched on the steep mountain slopes.  Today, with the help of a national Peruvian water fund and The Nature Conversancy, an eager army of Peruvians are re-trenching the old system and carving new passage ways.  Cleverly, the engineers have developed a flow rate that allows some of the water to seep in and feed the local community, while moving the remainder to dry, desert areas.  ‘Tis a masterful design that makes one marvel at both the historic achievements and today’s multi-disciplined scientific solutions.  But perhaps even more is the willingness of so many who have put their hearts, funds, and backs into creating the system.  For further details, visit Matt Jenkins’ Nature Conservancy magazine article, “Channeling the Past to Face the Future.”

 

To learn of more good news, visit BartsBooks.com.

Modern Maturity

Why do parents push so hard to have their children grow up and act like adults?  Is it jealousy, or revenge?

Afterthought.  Yes.  It is dangerous to send children off to schools without cell phones.  Just imagine the trouble they’ll create when we free them to think for themselves.

Do You Know Who Said:

          “There is nothing so fallacious as facts, except, of course,  figures.”

Hint: Known for his sarcastic wit, this 19^th century British politician engineered the capture of Napoleon’s Danish fleet, without ever leaving his armchair.  He also held several high offices, eventually rising to Prime Minister for the last 119 days of his life.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “man has demonstrated that he is the master of everything, except his own nature,” was Henry Miller

Work Wit

Branding has captured business strategists’ scrutiny because it is so much cheaper to sell the buzzwords you want to be perceived as standing for, than to deliver a reliable product.

Biz Quiz

What is the most popular and least popular brand of candy in the United States?  In the $16.5 billion U.S. candy industry, boasting 1,354 brands, the top seller is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, with Snickers as the most purchased candy bar.  And voted the least desired candy to receive on Halloween by American children is candy corn.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

ENDORSEMENT – Somebody possessing more money than you will make in a lifetime, being paid more money than you will make in a year, to convince you to part with more money than you can sensibly afford.

(A bewilderingly effective process.)

                                                   Finally, The Good News – And Challenge…

                                                  Read Every Day In February

Thanks to generous folks funding medical miracles, Cancer has been transformed from death sentence to a combatable disease.  People afflicted are conquering and surviving cancer every day.  Recently, the American Cancer Society has launched a fundraiser that simultaneously helps heal our bodies and strengthen our minds.  Their Read Every Day In February Facebook Challenge is a participatory fundraising event guaranteed to prove enjoyable, enlightening, and rewarding.

          Step 1.  Select a stack of books and articles that you plan to spend time reading each of the 28 days this February, 2025.  Make the commitment.

          Step 2.  Go to the American Cancer Society’s Facebook page, and register yourself as a reader.  (You can also join a reading group to gain a little company.)

          Step 3.  Spread the word around to your friends and coworkers that you would like them to help battle cancer by sponsoring your reading effort.

          Step 4. To get all the Challenge’s details and answer your questions, visit

https://challengedocs.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/ACS-Read-Every-Day-Feb-24-FAQ.docx.pdf

If you’re like most of us, you have a stack/list of fascinating reads you never seem to get around to delving into.  Well, here’s your chance.

And if you are looking for more fascinating reads, visit www.BartsBooks.com.

                                                            ***

Solitude in Spandex

 What has 120 hearing devices but cannot perceive a single human talking ten feet away?  The 60 people sweating in my gym, where never a voice is heard.

Afterthought.  The real blessing about ear buds & head phones is that when the guy next to you is screaming like a banshee after dropping a 50 lb. dumbbell on his toe, he won’t interrupt your workout.

                                              Do you know who said:

          When asked if he liked writing, this prolific author replied.

          “Well, it beats picking cotton.”

Hint: This U.S. President wrote more books after leaving office, than any other president in our history.  Oh, and by the way, of all U.S. heads of state who ever took an I.Q test, this one scored the highest.

            Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who first spoke the quote, “no task is so trivial that it may not become difficult when approached with reluctance,” was the Roman poet/playwright Terrance.

                                                      Work Wit:

Positively Impolite…Our CEO asked for employee opinions concerning his new return-to-office mandate.  Unfortunately, the only ones with language acceptable for our firm’s newsletter came generated by AI.

Biz Quiz

Proper Priorities…  Which is most likely to throw stock market investors into a plunging panic? A) The U.S. military invasion to annex Greenland;  B) Massive, uncontrollable forest fires surrounding the nation’s second largest city, forcing over 100,000 to flee their homes;  C) The Federal Reserve postponing a .01 percent drop in interest rates for two months.

Answer: Obviously, C.  War, fire, plague, and death are minor blips compared with the Feds riding in on a pale horse.

                                     Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It.

KNOWLEDGE – The ability to memorize vast amounts of other people’s original ideas in the hopes that it will be mistaken for intelligence on your part.

***

 

Finally, The Good News

All Hearts on Deck

“Volunteers, donations, food supplies, goods of all kinds…they are literally spilling out on the sidewalk,” report the staff at the Anderson Munger Family YMCA.  The only thing swifter than the rampaging flames of the Los Angeles-area wildfires is the heated rush of people streaming in to help with the disaster recovery effort.  Volunteer drivers are using their own vehicles or renting U-hauls to drive desperately-needed donations to afflicted destinations.  Human chains are spontaneously forming to load trucks at relief centers.   Homeless and Hollywooders pass crates hand to hand.  70 volunteer fire fighters from Mexico’s Forestry Commission and Defense Department have joined in the battle.  Canada has sent a small fleet of aircraft and a large number of workers to aid in the control efforts.  The six surrounding states have contributed more than 180 fire engines and aircraft.  While Jeff Bezos and partner Lauren Sanchez have donated $100 million to wildfire recovery, Savannah Boyd, owner of All Power Books, converted her shop into a warehouse for emergency relief stores.  An unnamed manufacturer drops off an entire van filled with protein shakes.   President Biden has formed an active partnership with California, pledging our nation’s full financial and physical support in all areas of need.  The roster of such generosities continues unabated.  This is who we are.  This is what people do.  These acts of compassion are as prevalent and innate as all those tales of greed that fill the news media.

     How can you help?  Dozens of charitable organizations are funneling needed donations to the many aspects of Los Angeles-area’s recovery effort.  Odds are excellent that your house of faith (or one nearby) offers a reliable venue for contributing.  Who knows, it might be a good way for you to become reacquainted with a valuable organization.

To discover more fascinating social entrepreneurs, visit https://BartsBooks.com.

                                                            ***

Heavenly Matches

The true key to happiness is finding the right wife – of course, she doesn’t have to be your own.

Afterthought. Actually, I made a promise to my wife that I would leave her the moment I found a better woman. That vow is guaranteed to keep us together for a lifetime.

Do you know who said:

“No task is so trivial that it may not become difficult when approached with reluctance.”

Hint: This quote, paraphrased by cores of successors through the ages, was first spoken by ancient Rome’s most renown dramatic playwright who began life as a slave. Part of his popularity may have been the his protagonists: e.g. The Mother-in-Law, and The Eunuch. Or maybe it was his wit.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “They call television a medium because it is neither rare nor well done,” was Ernie Kovacs.

***

Work Wit

The more money you make, the more people are inclined to believe you deserve it.

Biz Quiz

Of these four people: Elon Musk; Jeff Bezos; John D. Rockefeller; Jesus Christ…

#1 – Which one was never rated as the wealthiest person on earth?

#2 – Which one is more influential than the other three combined?

#3 – What, do you suppose, is his secret?

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

CHRISTMAS – An inexplicable ground-swelling of joy, grateful beneficence, and uplifted spirituality of such global proportions that it crushes all cynics’ snide attempts at detraction. (See also, Your Heart.)

A snippet from my upcoming book Fellow Travelers…

Investing Liquid Assets

I met him at age 12 on my first trip to Brussels. In fact, it is considered unthinkable to visit the “Capital City of Europe” without making pilgrimage to this youngster. Just stroll around the corner from Brussels’ central Grand Market with all its self-consciously ornate architecture, and there he greets you: Manneken Pis. With gleeful smile, naked as God and the sculptor made him, this little bronze boy, not quite 22 inches tall, stands poised, urinating into the marble fountain below. With adorable innocence, this refreshing statue breaks more taboos than a Victorian art critic could invent, and puts more smiles on faces (arguably) than all Belgium’s famed chocolate shoppes.

The first M. P. statue was erected in 1452, just after the Ottoman Turks assault was repulsed. And with basically two replacements, our lad exists today – still smiling. Somehow, Manneken Pis peals back the outward seeming stodginess of Belgium character, and, giving us a sly wink, reminds us that these mercantile folks do not take themselves too seriously. Mannekin has been swathed in literally thousands of costumes transforming him from Santa to Dracula. On at least three occasions, our lad has bountifully fed the crowds mugs of Belgium’s famous brews, when the fountain water was replaced with beer.

But for me, the most enjoyable part of Mannekin Pis comes from his historical heroism. Many tales surround the statue, but the most common (recently retold me by historical trivia master Mike Lupovici) comes out of the Ottoman siege of Constantinople and other European capitols in the 15th century. Story has it, that seeing the attacking Turks place gunpowder charges against the city walls, our brave boy raced to the parapet and, cleverly whipping out the gift God gives all men, was able to water down the fuses of the explosive charges and foil the assault. May we all be so resourceful in times of challenge.

 

***

In this season of love celebrated and friendships rekindled,

        We wish you a joyful heart lots of laughter – as we share our  many blessings

      And in the coming year may we rediscover the power of our own kindness to warmly enrich our fellow travelers.

                     Merry  Christmas and Happy Holidays,

              From the Bart Jackson &

                    The BartsBooks Team

 

 

Brimming With The Spirit

Store Clerk: I’m sure your boss will love this.  Would you like it wrapped as a gift?

Bart: No, I’d like it wrapped as an obligation.

Afterthought.  …And then, can you believe it, the store refused to ship it.  Something about not allowing poison pens to be safely sent via U.S. mails.

Do you know who said?

          “They call television a medium because it is neither rare nor well  done.”

Hint: In 1952, this wry-witted, slapstick comedian pioneered the first television variety show, which he wrote and acted in, while flicking his signature cigar (that he claimed was longer than Groucho’s.)

                                        Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “There are two things no man will ever admit he does not do well: drive and make love,” was race car driver Sir Sterling Moss.

Work Wit

Sparkling Persistence…Fail once and folks will call you unlucky.  Fail three more times and they will brand you a loser.  Fail four more times then triumph once, and people will revere you as an “overnight successful entrepreneur.”

Biz Quiz

How great a role do immigrants play in business launches?  Within the last 10 years, 44.8 percent of all new U.S. businesses were started by first generation immigrants.  (Not all survived/thrived.) Today, approximately 20 percent of U.S. businesses are owned by first generation immigrants.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It.

ADV ERTISEMENTS – An unending series of loathsome seductions luring all humanity to consume more than any stomach or household can possibly store.

On A Personal Note

                                                  Shoulda Said…

 

Stand next to me long enough and you will doubtless hear me proclaim that the greatest wisdom flies on the wings of laughter.  Yet there come those moments when it’s not wisdom you require – but a scathing repartee that will lay bare the injustice you have just been foolishly dealt.

Alas, today we fester in a world of hate, so endorsed and exemplified by our leaders that our version the comeback has descended to a childish swapping of name-calling and nasticisms.  Trouble is, such vented snarlings are not only self-demeaning; they are woefully ineffective.  Allow me, if I may, to point out a few examples of how humor triumphs over hate.

#1 –  Elected as Ottawa’s Mayor in 1952, Charlotte Whitton became the first woman mayor of any Canadian city.  Instead of throwing stones at the glass ceiling, she smilingly remarked, “Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.  Luckily, this is not difficult.”   Folks still chuckle at Charlotte’s oft-quoted quip which raised her in everyone’s estimation.  (Yes, she was re-elected.)

#2 – When black civil rights activist and pioneering feminist Florence Kennedy was interrupted in some speech by a male heckler shouting out “Hey Flo, Are you a lesbian?”  She would straighten her Stetson, lean right towards him and yell back, “Are you my alternative?” Everyone laughed, and quickly learned that you don’t mess with Flo.

#3 – Shortly after moving to Great Neck Long Island in 1926, Groucho Marx went to the local swim club, seeking a membership.  Employing the the snootiest possible tone, the club director stated, “I am sorry, but we do not accept Jews here.”  Causing the famed comedian to wriggle his eyebrows and reply, “Well, my daughter is only half-Jewish.  Can she go in up to her waist?”  No one remembers the club or its director, but to this day folks still shake their heads at the lunacy of its exclusive policies.

So as we move joyfully through the joyous holidays and the upcoming the seasons of contention, I beg you, for your own pleasure, to remember the power of humor and begin sharpening your jovial foils.

– Bart Jackson

*** 

By Stuff Besieged

 

I absolutely adore Christmas shopping.  It lets me fondle and buy lots of cool stuff that blessedly ends up in other people’s houses.

 Afterthought. The floor-to-ceiling clutter may make me wince at the thought of stowing more objects in my house, but if I can select the exact right gift for you, I’ll joyfully bring it to your door with all good Christmas cheer.

Do you know who said:

          “There are two things no man will ever admit that he cannot do well: drive and make love.”

Hint: This wild-living, knighted British race-car driver and broadcaster, who won countless Formula I races including the Grand Prix and 12-hour Sebring, died in 2020, at age 90, leaving 20 million pounds to his partying pals with the instructions “Enjoy a few nights out.”

                              Answer to Last Week’s Quote 

The man who probably did not say, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could barely stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years,” was Mark Twain.

***

Work Wit

Gifting Glut…Put a “Sale” sign beside it and Santa’s hat on top of it, and you can charge anything you want for your goods over the holidays.

Biz Quiz

How much did American’s spend on Cyber Monday?  The final tally is not in yet, but as of 6 p.m. on Monday, December 2, 2024, U.S. tech gourmands were spending $15.7 million per minute on tech toys, er, necessities

Curmudegeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

BRAND – An artistically cutsey symbol (e.g. a piece of fruit) carefully designed to release the viewers’ hidden urge to put their money in your pocket.

Finally the Good News

                                                                               Giving Tuesday

 

At last, here comes a Holiday startup tradition that centers around kindliness, rather than money.  Giving Tuesday’s goal is to unleash that innate, energetic spirit of generosity that lies within both individuals and associations.  ‘Tis an emotion as natural as greed, but infinitely more powerful.  And from its outset, Giving Tuesday has remained far more organized than most folks realize.

It all started back in 2012, when Henry Timms at the 92^nd Street YMCA first sparked the concept.  Rapidly, Timms wedded his “global generosity movement” with the United Nations Foundation and the BLK SHP (An energetic group of self-professed misfits banded together in the interest of aiding beneficial innovations.) Rather than merely soliciting people to fork over a bit of their surplus cash, GivingTuesday invites people to collectively join together to fill needs, share resources, and bring about an improved world.  Like chopping firewood – it warms twice.  The magic of GivingTuesday lies in the incredible number of avenues they offer.  Browse givingtuesday.org and you’ll be amazed – planting trees in the Sudan or community gardens in Trenton; guiding youngsters into vocational training or new businesses in Uttar Pradesh India; making microloans in Tanzania, fixing bicycles in rural Canada; or forming a needs-solutions network in any of 75 nations across six continents. In 2019, Giving Tuesday spun off and became an independent organization with CEO Asha Curran leading the movement.  We invite you to take a look at the website GivingTuesday.org to see where your own generosity may find a fulfilling fit.

 

Enjoy this season of hope,

– Bart Jackson

***

 

 

Intellectual Abstinence

I’ve been reading so much about the evils of alcohol lately that I’ve decided to give it up – reading, that is.

Afterthought.  The sweet thing about sliding your favorite buzz-beverage into a glass is that not only does it taste good going down, but it opens up yet one more avenue of social snobbery.  (Just remember both sipping and proclaiming may be done in excess.)                                                                                          ***

Do you know who probably did not say?

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I  could barely stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

Hint:  This quote is dubiously attributed to the famed American humorist whose own father actually died when he was 11 years old in Hannibal Missouri.  And there is no record of these words in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, or any other of his fictional writing.

                                       Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “The oldest and shortest words – ‘yes’ and ‘no’ – are those which require the most thought,” was Pythagoras.

                                                                                          ***

Work Wit

Modern Compartmentalization….Our CEO has just appointed a new creative team, and given them special sweatshirts.  We are so relieved – now the rest of us don’t have to bother thinking.

Biz Quiz

How does creative management differ from non-creative management? The former seeks outside-the-box ways to guide complex projects into an alignment of principles, methods, techniques, practices, and instruments that will maximize productive cash flow.  The later merely looks for ways that might make more money.                                                                ***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It.  

SOCIAL MEDIA – 1) A less personal, more intimate vehicle for broadcasting self praise.  2) A promotional tool employed by advertisers for reaching the greatest number of people with the least possible effect.

                                                                           ***

Snippet from my upcoming book, Fellow Travelers

                                                                           Practical Coupling

So a blind man goes into the veterinarian’s office, and after they chat, invites her to go for a bike ride on her next free afternoon…

When my wife and I first began cycling together, we soon discovered the Tandem – bicycle built for two – as the only way we could complete a trip within sight of each other.  Having already mastered the art of doubles whitewater paddling, balancing and coordinating on a two-person bike proved no great problem.   I, being heavier of the pair, took the “Captain’s” position in front.  And my bride Lorraine, pumped away in the “Stoker’s” position, right behind.  When “we” wanted to turn right or shift to a lower gear, she merely slapped me on the helmet and explained the necessity of her requirement.  Simple.

Before long we found our way into a series of tandem rallies all along the east coast, pedaling gleefully with a hundred or so other couples who had learned the delicate art of tandem communication and compromise.  We met all kinds, such as always-laughing Amy (almost five feet tall) and her husband Mark, a 6’10” former pro basketball player.  (They had to have a custom frame built to accommodate.)  We also biked many miles of road alongside Josh, the blind man first mentioned above, and his veterinarian wife Linda.  Their first date, arranged when Josh came in to pick up his injured seeing eye dog, had blossomed into true romance and they had logged thousands of miles as a married couple. (And yes, Josh did take the Stoker’s seat.) Allow me to share one of their conversations spoken as we broke for lunch.

Josh:  Linda, I think I’ve dropped my sweat band.

Linda: It’s on the ground, behind you,

Josh: (turning around extending his foot to search for it)  It is close?

Linda: To your right and about a foot away… No, too far…more to the right…a few more inches.

Josh: (bending down and snatching it.)  Thanks, got it.

Linda: OK, let’s eat.

This marriage will last a lifetime.

When I later asked Josh what ever possessed him to buy a tandem bicycle.  He broke into a smile and responded.  “I always thought it would be a great way to meet girls.”

To learn more about Fellow Travelers, visit Bartsbooks.com

                                                                                          ***

Blissful Obesity

Like most Americans, I have long yearned to become part of something larger than myself – like the refrigerator.

Afterthought. As we approach the holidays, ‘tis always nice to fling open the door and find solace in something yummy that loves us back. Besides, calories be damned – it’s a national past time.

***

Do you know who said:

“The oldest and shortest words – ‘yes’ and ‘no’ – are those which require the most thought.”

Hint: The 6th century B.C. author of this theorem developed another, more famous one, explaining that in a right triangle, the hairs on the hippopotamus’ side are equal to the sum of the hairs on his other two brides – or something like that.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “False opinions are like false money, created first by guilty men and thereafter circulated by honest people who perpetuate the crime without knowing what they are doing,” was Joseph de Maistre.

***

Work Wit

Sweet Comparison…Of course my year-end bonus is richly deserved – just so long as it remains greater than any of my coworkers.

Biz Quiz

What category of American workers are the most highly over-compensated? The ones whose payroll checks you sign. Of course, they get some competition from certain runway models, such as Kendall Jenner and Gisele Bundchen, who pull down $40 million annually for taking a few 100-foot strolls in someone else’s clothes.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

FIG LEAF – An opaque form of foliage employed to cover what you would rather not have disclosed to public view, e.g. Adam’s privates, Supreme Court Judges’ price tags, and the real reason legislators vote for/against laws effecting us all.

Use in a sentence: “We need to provide a scientific fig leaf to make this policy palatable to the public.”

***

Finally, The Good News

Planting Hope

This past weekend, my photo-shooting wife Lorraine and I discovered Otto’s Farm Park, a raptor-rich parcel, I’m guessing two miles on a side, tucked away in New Jersey’s woodsy Sourlands Mountain area, which was donated to Hillsborough Township. The short hike was lovely, but what truly impressed us were the plantings. In September, 2020 the call went out for volunteers to plant 500 trees in several of the open field sections. And for the weekend of the 17-18th, locals arrived shovel ready and got their hands dirty enriching Otto’ former farm with mostly maple saplings.

This effort put me in mind of the worldwide trillion-tree-planting campaign which developed as part of the United Nation’s Sustainability Goals. ‘Tis a global undertaking to re-populate the planet’s current 3 trillion trees, back to the pre-industrial-revolution levels of 4 trillion. It is supported by World Economic Forum Director Al Berkeley who has arranged major funding; Senior UN Advisor Roland Schatz who has engineered startlingly creative methods to engage homeless folks in the planting process; and so many others in numerous ways, in all four corners. Amazing the benefits we may achieve when governments, private organizations, industry, and volunteering individuals all begin pulling on the same rope, in the same direction.

To learn more about the United Nations’ Sustainability Goals and other Good News, visit https://www.Barts Books.com.

***

Church Before State

Our founding fathers were very wise when they chose to place the date for election of public officials well after the celebration of All Saints Day.

Afterthought. Not that there could ever be any confusion as to which names belonged on which list.  Beware Ghoulies and Greedys and Sly-tentacled Beasties….

***

Do you know who said:

“False opinions are like false money, created first by guilty  men and thereafter circulated by honest people who perpetuate the crime without knowing what they are doing.”

Hint:  Most noted for his “Every country has the government it deserves” quote, this French “father of conservatism” advocated monarchy after the 1789 French Revolution.

***

 

                                        Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes,” was Jim Carrey.

                                                           ***

Work Wit

$ocial Engagement…Always hold a drink at networking parties.  It keeps you from putting your hands in other people’s pockets.

Biz Quiz

When four men are clustered at a business gathering, what is the ideal method for discovering how highly each one thinks of himself?  Simply add one intelligent, ambitious woman.

                                                            ***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

E-MAIL – A naturally occurring avalanche of missives let loose on the world as the result of eliminating all financial and intellectual cost from the communication process.

          Note: In its innocent infancy, typically engaged in swapping laughable anecdotes, E-mail, now reaching the age of adultery, is more rationally employed in the naked solicitation of praise and money.

                                                           ***

A snippet from my upcoming book Fellow Travelers…

                                                  A Dark December Night

“It was right here, just a few hundred yards upstream they cut ‘em,”  Erin made a circle with his hands.  “Fourteen inches wide at the bottom and ten inches at the top – and each sixty foot high.”  He explained how the six pole pines cut from his ancestral property had been hewn to serve as the three, two-step masts for the USS Constitution.  Through a slightly skewed jaw, Erin mouthed a vivid description of the 1797 lumbering of “Old Ironsides’ ” timbers as if it were last week.

My dear friend and paddling partner John Parkinson had spied the lone light from Erin’s cabin when we pulled up our canoe and set up a shoreside camp for the night.  John was slated to soon abandon me for the U.S. Army and in celebration of his new career, we had planned a four-day upper Delaware River trip of 120 miles down to the Water Gap.  The fact that it was a mere three weeks before the Winter solstice, with great chill and damned little daylight does not come into consideration when you are 22 and immortal.  Seeking warmth, we knocked on Erin’s door and this lifetime bachelor enthusiastically welcomed us.  He ushered us into the two-room, cozy home and crammed more logs into the a wood burning stove that looked like he bought it from Ben Franklin.  For some hours we huddled around that stove, listening spellbound to this riverside sage, as he proffered a good half-century more adventures than we had.  As the stars grew brighter, John and I grudgingly left Erin’s expansive company and warm hospitality.  We rose from our tent the morrow morn if not wiser men, at the very least, better steeped in life’s lore.

 

 

Almost Sophomoric

Nobel Prizes have just been awarded to scientists who have taught Artificial Intelligence devices to “learn and think” like college freshmen. What a breakthrough! I can’t wait until an AI box learns to guzzle cheap beer and then pilot my car.

Afterthought. Perhaps a more deserving award might go to those dedicated professors who astonishingly teach college freshmen to think at all.

Do you know who said:

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

Hint: After starring in such cinemographic gems as Dumb and Dumber, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, and Bruce Almighty, this comic actor has given his two wives plenty to roll their eyes about.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “the person who does not scatter the morning dew will not comb gray hairs,” was Hunter S. Thompson.

Work Wit

In All Honesty…If you want to determine the integrity of a political candidate, just look at the business magnates who are stuffing his/her war chest.

Biz Quiz

Which business leaders lead the 2024 presidential campaign contribution list? Donators of over $100 million include for Trump: Tim Mellon (Mellon Banking), Elon Musk (Mars explorer), Miriam Adelson (Zionist); for Harris: Reid Hoffman (LinkedIn), Sam Bankman-Fried (fallen crypto king), George Soros (party boss). All of these gifts are merely rumored, of course, and all lie well within legal limits,

you betcha.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It.

VOTE – A sacred voice afforded the people of a nation, giving them the opportunity to show they are far wiser than the politicians give them credit for.

Snippets from my upcoming book Fellow Travelers

Snuff & Iron

Archeologist Ashton Pieri beamed with inherited pride as he walked us along the massive, exquisitely fitted stone walls that 500 years ago embraced Africa’s most technologically advanced empire. About the era when my European forebears were blighting two continents with bloody crusades, Ashton’s ancestors, the Shona people began carving out a highly civilized, organized culture amidst the jungled interiors of the Dark Continent. Patting a huge, oddly curved structure, he explained, “This was the Great Zimbabwe – the capitol of the empire. From here the Shona advanced north, conquering and diplomatically uniting neighboring peoples into a sprawling trade network.” Despite expanding to more than double the size of the Zimbabwe nation today, news and knowledge of the Shona achievements remained markedly scarce.

Then by the 15th century, the maritime Portuguese stumbled across pieces of Shona iron and forged metals that far exceeded anything manufactured in Europe at the time. Rapidly, European sailors urged African coastal traders to establish supply routes with this unknown empire which held these near-mythical Hephaestian secrets. Ashton spun marvelous true (?) tales of how Portuguese snuff was the sole currency the Shona deemed worthy to swap for its metals. Lorraine and my interest were so jaw-droppingly evident that Ashton arranged for us to spend a night within the walls of in the Great Zimbabwe. This architecture alone felt hauntingly mystical. Each of the small, sculpted stones comprising this enormous city’s encirclement was etched with a number. (Souvenir hunters who try to smuggle stones out of the country will be stopped at the airport and the stolen stone’s number allows it to be fit right back into place.) Together they formed a uniquely meandering fortification. There was not a straight line or right angle to be found in anywhere in the bulwark. Rather the walls seemed to flow like an artfully designed stream whimsically meandering the countryside. My father always joked that while the shortest distance between two points was a straight line, the prettiest distance was a curve. For me, when applied to something as practical as a city wall, such a formation inspires this visitor with a wonder and yearning to know a lot more about Ashton’s ancestors.

To learn more about our Fellow Travelers, visit bartsbooks.com.

***

Stepping Out

          My company is calling us all back into the office full time.  Guess that means I’ll have to go online and buy a pair of shoes.

Afterthought.  Comfy as they are, your beloved bunny slippers just won’t hold up when racing for the subway.  Times are a-changin’ – back.

Do you know who said:

                  “The person who does not scatter the morning dew will not comb gray hairs.”

Hint: After living with them for a year, this author/journalist wrote Hells Angels, and introduced the popular, first-person style of reporting he termed Gonzo Journalism.

Work Wit

Useful Obsolescence…Previously worn neckties are like old worn auto tires – both are a potential boon, desperately awaiting the right entrepreneur to discover a new use for them.

Biz Quiz

What three professions still cling to the necktie as an imperative part of business dress?  The answer is finance, law, and white-collar thieves; but I repeat myself.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

SOCIAL MEDIA – A more intimate, less personal pathway to competitive status anxiety, that both youngsters and business mistakenly view as a necessity.

Finally the Good News

      Lifting the Lamp of Welcome

Three years ago, the day after Vladimir Putin’s grudging troops invaded the Ukraine, Father Petro swung into action.  His church, The Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Catholic Church, standing a mere 60 kilometers from the Polish border, would doubtless be right in the path of the streams of refugees trying to escape the Russian onslaught.  Gathering parishioners together, Petro began transforming two meeting halls into refugee shelters.  They provided beds, created an ongoing food service, and began gathering stocks of clothing and necessary supplies.  Thanks to support from U.S. churches, they even started a van service to aid in transport for refugees.  “Some people come and stay a night, others stay as long as they feel necessary,” Petro stated.  As of this month, The Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Church has cared for more than 70,000 displaced souls in this war-torn country.

 

This aggressive act of human compassion is impressive in and of itself.  But even more amazing was the priest’s response to my question, “What relief awaits the refugees when they make it into Poland?”  At first, there was nothing official, Petro explained.  Then, within a month the Polish government established its Aid Fund to provide sustenance and help for fleeing Ukrainians to integrate.  Further, what really surprised me was when he began listing the number of Polish churches and individual families who willingly took in large numbers of those escaping the war.  Best estimates count over 6 million Ukrainian individuals flooding into Poland.  Understandably, not every Pole is pleased with this seemingly endless flow of newcomers.  Yet, the Pole polls still indicate a strong majority of citizens favoring support for the Ukrainians, and countless Polish families continue to take these desperate foreign strangers into their homes.  An admirable immigration policy.

***

My Choice

Today, as my wife asked, I can clean the gutters, hang drapes, and repaint our living room…OR, I can spend eight TicTok hours watching how to build a fantasy tree house for my pet phoenix.  Sorry, my dear.

Afterthought.  If you opted for the tree house fantasy video, you join a slothful majority of 45 million American viewers.  Sometimes I think the Chinese have won their invasion.

Do you know who said:

“I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe  of my own.”

Hint: This British science fiction author and futurist made the unimaginable seem possible with his War of the Worlds and The Time Machine, while outlining humanity’s progress potential in A Modern Utopia.

      Work Wit

Being an entrepreneur is truly a liberating experience – you are absolutely free to work any 80 hours a week that you want.

Biz Quiz

In 2024, what is the failure rate for new businesses?  Generally, studies show that 10 percent fail in the first year, another 70 percent don’t survive the second year, and the remaining 10 percent close doors soon after.  This said, the spirit remains undaunted with over 600 million entrepreneurs worldwide, comprising 8 percent of the global population.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

TERRORIST – A dastardly hired/enlisted killer whose organization lacks the funds to buy him a proper uniform.

 

On a Personal Note

                                            We are Never Without Power

I am old enough to recall being inspired by a President-elect at his inauguration saying, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.”  This was the same President who told us we could send a person to the moon – and ours was a generation with sufficient faith to believe him.  He told us that, “we choose this (moon visitation) goal not because it is easy, but because it is hard.”  Imagine that.

Imagine either Presidential candidate asking us to strive, struggle, and give of ourselves for the enrichment of anything except ourselves.  It would be political suicide.  Instead, candidates enter into a competitive contest of Feed the Greed – he/she who promises the most freebies wins.  Granted, since John Fitzgerald Kennedy proffered those ideals, six decades have passed.  We are a different people, grappling our way across an entirely new landscape.   The world has opened up wide before us, ironically, making most of us feel less empowered in its vastness than previous generations.  We bow, boggled at the sheer numbers of humanity and the complexity of our over-peopled hive.   We feel small.  What am I that anyone should be mindful of me?

The answer to that self-negating query was given me recently by friend and warm-hearted sage, Ed Madsen.  “We each possess so much more ability to effect change than we realize.  Our compassion, concern, and radiated joy have the power to positively lift up our neighbors – daily, continually.  We can create change in the lives and outlooks of so many people when we begin to ask, ‘what can I do for the fella’ next door?’”  Perhaps this may be that lofty goal worthy of our current generation.  And while it is not easy, it may just prove as personally rewarding as a moon shot.  All in all, this perspective put me in mind of my reply to a friend when the lights went out. “Oh no, Shelly, we are never without power, we just don’t have any electricity.”

Wishing you every success,

 – Bart Jackson

***

A Pompous Proposal

If you want to say something truly profound, best to express it with a light heart rather than a heavy vocabulary.

Afterthought.  Of course, if your goal is to impress rather than communicate, then by all means exacerbate your erudidity hyperbolistically while elaborating your eloquence with superfluidity.

Oh, and don’t forget the Name-drop prefix, e.g. “As Nietzsche might have thought…”

Do you know who said:

               “Adults are obsolete children.”

Hint: Known around his Springfield-Mass. neighborhood as “Mr. Geisel’s son Theodore,” this cartoonist and most popular children’s author of all time, wrote/drew 60 books selling over 600 million copies.  He also taught the Grinch how to rhyme.

                                                                   Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “one of the definitions of sanity is the ability to tell real from unreal.  Soon we will need a new definition,” was Alvin Toffler.

                                                                         Work Wit

The trouble with our employees is that they have seem to have other goals in their lives besides increasing our company’s bottom line.  The trouble with our shareholders is that they believe the only way to achieve that increase is to fire all the employees.

Biz Quiz

What are the fastest growing Fortune 500 companies?  Striding into first place is the California technology giant Nvadia, claiming a 163 percent value growth in 2024; with sprawling investment firm Charles Schwab racing along into second place with a 136 percent growth thus far this year.

                   Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

MEETING – A gathering of grudgingly resigned souls in which minutes are taken and hours are thrown away. (Paraphrased from the meeting-bedeviled President Barack Obama.)                                                                                  ***

Finally the Good News

You are 37 years old.  You have just abandoned a career in business consulting and are seeking a new life path as a student at Princeton Theological Seminary.  As such, you have just been assigned duty as chaplain at the state prison.  During a counseling session, one of the inmates somehow convinces you with overwhelming sincerity that he has been wrongly convicted.  What would you do?

 

Well, in 1983, what Jim McCloskey did was to both pray – and fight like hell.  With absolutely no legal experience or authority; with no formal history of the case, Jim investigated, pushed, testified, and persisted.  And in the end, thanks to this amazing individual’s efforts, justice was served – the innocent prisoner was pardoned, and walked out of jail, a freed man.  It proved a spark of fate, with, perhaps, a nudge from the Almighty.  And freeing wrongfully imprisoned individuals became the new life path for the modest, doggedly-tenacious Jim McCloskey.

Fast forward to today.  Centurion Ministries, founded by Jim, has to date completed releases for 71 men and women who were serving life or death sentences for crimes they did not commit.  With a small, tireless, mostly volunteer staff, individual cases get reviewed, legal assistance is provided, crimes get re-investigated, new evidence is found, new trials get pushed onto the docket, and sometimes, even the real criminal is uncovered.

Here is a story of true heroism.

– To learn more about Jim McCloskey, read his book, When the Truth is all You Have.

– To learn more about and donate to Centurion Ministries, visit Centurion.org.  (You will also learn why this organization’s name was selected.)

–  John Grisham, famed author of legal thrillers and a great supporter of Jim’s work, will be offering a free lecture at Nassau Church in Princeton, New Jersey, on the book they have co-authored, Framed.  Tickets for this avent are available at the Princeton Public Library -609-924-9529.

 

 

IQ’s Acid Test

                Nothing so displays a man’s wisdom as his ability to arrive at the same conclusions as ourselves.

 Afterthought. And nothing so proves that gentleman’s prudence as his ability to hold his own tongue when his wife proves him in error.                                                                                 ***

Do you know who said:

          “One of the definitions of sanity is the ability to tell real from unreal.  Soon we will need a new definition.”

Hint: This Manhattan-born futurist and businessman stunned complacent, tech-dazzled America with his best selling Future Shock, his prediction of “Information Overload,” social media, nonstop news cycles, AI, and their ruination of individual thought.

                                        Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “calumny is like counterfeit money – many people who  would not coin it, circulate it without qualms,” was Diane de Poitiers.

***

 

Work Wit

Death by Sycophant…The guaranteed way to ensure your business’ demise is to hire only people who are unwaveringly loyal to your every idea.

Biz Quiz

According to Fortune Magazine, Dow Jones, and its own staff members, what is the number one best company to work for in the United States? Hilton, who has bedded down 3 billion guests in its 100-year history, was voted an excellent employer by 96 percent of its employees, compared to 57 percent for the average U.S. company.

***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It. 

TRUTH – A set of beliefs held by a highly esteemed individual whose success we envy.

A snippet from my upcoming book, Fellow Travelers                                       Spiritual Perspective

Mongolia is a land of remarkably diverse environs – windswept grasslands,

sand swept arid deserts, rugged stony mountain ranges. We found most of them starkly beautiful, and all of them harsh.  Mongolians are legendarily tough out of necessity.  You can see the land’s demands etched on the faces of its people.  It is not exceptional for a three-year-old to race her horse 25 miles over open country.

Back in our own Cranbury New Jersey home, Dodo and her daughter, guests from Ulaanbaatar, stood singing out in our back yard.  Dodo was that manager of Nomadic Expeditions, one of the first tour companies to guide Americans through her native country – the Land of Eternal Blue Sky.  Nomadic was the brainstorm of wildly energetic entrepreneur Jalsa Urubshurow who had come from Mongolia to New Jersey as a hammer slinger and by 1992 operated a 200-employee construction firm in Princeton.  He wanted to introduce the majesty of his homeland to the people of his adopted country.  Selecting Dodo to head Nomadic Expedition’s Mongolian offices, he had brought her to Princeton for a few months familiarity experience.   It had been our privilege to share our home with her and her daughter for that time.  Our tales together were joyful and many, but this moment in our yard holds fast in my memory.

Dodo and he daughter made a broad circle around our property kneeling occasionally, and dropping bits of soil brought from home.  All the while she and her daughter sang of the beauty of their Mongolia and gave thanks of their good fortune to be born in such a glorious land that had provided for their every need.  These two ladies saw their native soil as a great gift worthy of grateful tribute, rather than something to be profitably edited for the convenience of the human hive.   Enough said.

To learn more about Mongolia and the offerings of Nomadic Expeditions today, visit https://www.BartsBooks.com.

 

***

Prioritized Pampering

If corporate America ever learned to value their employees as highly as their shareholders and the legislators they buy, we would revel in unprecedented prosperity.

Afterthought. In a spontaneous BartsBooks survey of 25 large business owners, 23 stated that they were currently working to cut employee salaries and numbers.  In a show of destructive ingratitude, they are placing the people responsible for their wealth on the liability side of the ledger.

                                               Do You Know Who Said:

“Calumny is like counterfeit money – many people who  would not coin it, circulate it without qualms.”

 Hint: Proving the power of cunning over position, this 16^th-century mistress of France’s King Henry II guided the oft-befuddled monarch into making France a global power – and even outwitted Henry’s wife – the conniving Catherine de Medici.

                                                        Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “I wrote the story myself.  It’s about a woman who lost her reputation, and never missed it,” was Mae West.

 

Work Wit

If we want to end increasingly merging monopolies and restore continual competition, all we have to do is make all CEOs politicians – and they’d never agree to accomplish anything.

Biz Quiz

Do prices rise or fall when one conglomerate owns more that 75% of a given market?  Historically, prices rise substantially from 23 to 125 percent (depending on the price-tracking source.)  But quipsters also note that legislative and judicial spending typically double or triple when there is only one lobby in town.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

RELATIONSHIP – (Business usage) – The greasing of the avenue between buyer and seller, allowing the former to mind less paying the latter more money, more frequently.

                                                 Finally the Good News

                                        Media’s Message

 

‘Tis time to give a hip, hip hooray to our media.  (Yes, you read that right.) Starting August 28, for 11 days straight, NBCUniversal TV, along with a host of podcasts, and print media covered the 2024 Paralympics, giving these 4,463 world class athletes their due.  These broadcast professionals on camera taught us all a better way to deal with those who are starting life’s journey from a little further behind.  The play-by-play reporters of all 549 athletic events projected an atmosphere of excitement and celebration and competitive rivalries.  The athlete interviewers focused on training schedules, emotive responses, innovative techniques and race strategies.  In short, they displayed the same inspiring tone, carried over from the 2024 Summer Games of a month earlier.   They concentrated coverage on the effort and the achievement – not the limitation.  It was a lesson well demonstrated, and doubtless taken to heart by many, myself included.

 

All of us are addicted to human endeavor.  The farther back in the pack you stand, the louder we cheer your striving forward.  Little wonder that the Paralympics are the third largest ticket selling sporting event, after the Summer Olympics and international soccer’s FIFA World Cup.  My thanks to the media folks, to the makers of the amazing enabling devices, the Paralympic Committee, to the host citizens of Paris who brought this celebration so fabulously to light, and of course, to the 4,463 role models whose accomplishments will encourage us all.

 

***

Blowing Off Self-Esteam

A politician is that wondrous sub-species of humanity that requires no alcohol to become completely intoxicated with his own grandeur.

Afterthought.  While those elected to office can never please all of the people all of the time, there seems to be little holding them back from promising straight-facedly on the campaign trail that they will do exactly that.

Do you know who said:

          “I wrote the story myself.  It’s about a woman who lost her reputation and never missed it.”

Hint: This stunningly shaped and witted actress wrote most of her own lines for those famed verbal jesting screen scenes with the likes of Cary Grant and W.C. Fields.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down’” was Bob Newhart.

Work Wit

Big Box Attack…The mushrooming of big box stores offers a vast array of low quality items with savings so great they can almost be afforded by the slave-waged staffers they hire.

Business Quiz

How many individual retail storefronts are currently operating within the United States?  According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 1,076,931.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

STOCK MARKET – A desperate gambling den in which the heady liquor of ambition is served instead of opium.

A snippet from my upcoming book, Fellow Travelers

                        The Missionary

Out at the Missouri State Fair, I sat in awe watching a man defy gravity by racing a motorcycle in a 20-foot sphere of steel bars, making swift orbits around his smiling wife inside.  I beheld a blacksmith wreathe iron bars into delicate art forms.   I stood below huge Missouri mules and Clydesdales;  Watched pigs race and autos race…

 

But the most impressive individual was parked just outside the entrance.  Every evening of the 10-day fair, this elderly gentleman sat in his wheelchair, and from a satchel held out to the swarms of passersby a small sheet of paper.  “Here,” he directed me. “Read this once through, then read it again.  It will change your life.”  A quick scan showed it to be some kind of Christian religious tract, with quotes carefully arranged from the New Testament.  Each day, Stan would get some friend to drive him to the fairgrounds, where they would heft his wheelchair out of the car, and Stan would work his way over the gravel to this spot.  His sole mission was the hope of making someone else find the happiness he had found.  Stan asked for no funds, and accepted none. He represented no institutional church, nor pleaded for any conversion.  But the earnest, warm look in his eyes, told of this gentleman’s reward.

 

As we talked and I gratefully accepted his gift, Stan turned to me and said, Here, take another and give it to a friend.”

Thank you, Sir.  I will, I replied.

***

 

The New Proposal

The CEO says, “Sounds exciting – let’s go for it.”  The CFO argues, “Sounds expensive – better not.”  Engineering says, “It’s never been done – we gotta try it.” General Counsel pontificates, “Oh Lord NO – it’s a legal minefield.”  The board chair waffles, “Wouldn’t it be wise to survey the shareholders?”  Then the quiet lady from marketing whispers in the CEO’s ear, “Ah sir, 94.7 percent of current customers say they are anxious to buy it.”  So, do they adopt the new proposal?

Afterthought.  The obvious answer is YES – but only if the company wants to remain in business.  These five blind men have each grabbed their piece of the elephant.  Fortunately, a little corporate diversity allows them to realize the assets of the entire beast.

Do you know who said:

“Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.”

Hint: This hilarious comedian of vaudeville and movies bet his life with three different wives and each time fell into Duck Soup.

***

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “It is amazing how much you can accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit,” was President Harry Truman.

***

Work Wit

Each business leadership book requires, apparently, a trendy buzzword to give it a veneer of originality.  Our favorites: leadership matrix – data-driven leadership – strategic leadership – disruptive leadership – leading from your gut – leading without your gut.  (real titles.)

Biz Quiz

How many business leadership books are written every year?  Some sources claim an unbelieveable 4.8 billion such tomes are penned annually.  (Disclaimer: ‘tis a statistic probably as accurate and valuable as the proverbs contained within most leading pages.)

***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

FINANCIAL PLANNER – An individual who is not himself rich, but would have you believe that giving him your money will make you both rich.

Snippet from my upcoming book Fellow Travelers

The Emigrant“How on earth did you ever find this place?”

Writing – BartsBooks

Wise & Masterful Inactivity

If you’re in the market for sincere promises, always go straight to the top.  But if you really need the job done, head straight for that hard-working guy at the bottom of the chain.

Afterthought.  It is the high-ranking heads of state who verbosely embrace the creed of improved transportation.  But it is the local mayors who get the darn potholes filled.  Heads talk – but hands deliver.

 

Do you know who said:

          “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”

Hint: This 33^rd President of the United States oversaw the final victories of World War II and guided his nation masterfully through the country’s rebuilding, because he knew, the buck stops here.

 

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “It has always been my conviction that any man who puts his intelligence up against a fish, and looses, had it coming,” was John Steinbeck.

Work Wit

Working Homeless…The housing shortage is so severe that our employees want to sleep in their offices – that is, if we had physical offices anymore for employees to work in.

Biz Quiz

How prevalent is telecommuting in the U.S. business community?  The Pew Research Center states over 22 million employed people are currently working remotely – roughly 14 percent of all employed adults.

 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

OLYMPIAN ATHLETE – One of those rare and admirable individuals so devoted to the pursuit of excellence in their chosen field that they rise high above the grasp of commercialism, nationalism, and others seeking to trade on their character.

Finally the Good News

     Our Innocent Obsession

As boatloads of the globe’s top athletes jubilantly made their way down Paris’ Seine River, hate, division, and horror finally got pushed off the front page.  The 2024 Olympics have burst into people’s homes worldwide, celebrated with a joie de vivre that only the French could provide.  As we watch competing athletes strain to the utmost, then hug and congratulate each other, we feel these games blow a fresh breath of relief across our screens.  They portray the best of us, in so many aspects.

I am, as all my fellow countrymen, immensely proud of our American athletes.  Yet I am perhaps even more proud of what these Olympics are revealing about America’s national character.  If you want to discern a country’s true character, look at whom they hold up as heroes, and observe where they invest their resources.  In the USA, it is not the warrior general who blood lets his way to the top by sending young, glum soldiers off to die for the empire.  Even our business princes, if their faces are familiar at all, are more likely to inspire envy and suspicion than admiration.  No.  In America, we reserve our frenzied adoration for that gentleman who tosses the winning Super Bowl touchdown pass – along with that seemingly superhuman lady who leaves every other world-class swimmer far back in her wake.  It is these sports heroes’ discipline, explosive ability to overcome, and their persistent dedication that parents hold up as models for their own children to emulate.

And we truly put our money in schooling the upcoming generations of champions in the making.  France’s four-gold medal winning Leon Marchand is just one of an estimated 200 foreign Olympic athletes and hopefuls who took pilgrimage from their homelands to train in America’s legendary sports centers.  (Along with the over one million foreign academics currently studying at America’s colleges.)  In short, it makes me proud that we are accomplishing so much athletically, and that we of the U.S.A. value so greatly all the beneficial attributes that athletics entail.  You might call our sports passion a national obsession, but there’s a lot to laud in this athletic enthusiasm.

***

Lowered Expectations

Technology’s greatest contribution to the world of business is instilling consumers with the belief that every malfunction is the buyer’s fault.

Afterthought.  Customer satisfaction has proven so costly.  Far better, pundits assure us, to concentrate on selling folks the mystique of product complexity, rather on a justified reputation of product quality.

                                                            ***

 

Do you know who said:

“It has always been my conviction that any man who puts his intelligence up against a fish, and looses, had it coming.”

Hint: This Nobel Prize winning author, who believed that charity was best found in the working poor, profiled their power in his Grapes of Wrath, Of Mice and Men, and Cannery Row.

***

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “God not only plays dice – he sometimes throws the dice where they may not be seen,” was Stephen Hawking.

***

 

Work Wit

Humanity’s foibles make countless philosophers weep, and countless business leaders grow very, very rich.

 

Biz Quiz

Which made, more money: Pet Rocks or Non-fungible Tokens (NFTs)?  Pet Rocks garnered their inventor Gary Dahl $15 million personally in 1975.  Not to be out done, nearly half a century later, the consumer market for NFT’s rose to 18.6 billion, but alas, most of the payments were in cryptocurrency.

***

 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

CREDIT – a) An acknowledgement of value ascribed to those deemed inferior, in place of sharing any actual reward.

1. b) A promise of future payment made by a buyer, to a seller, and backed by a third party whose power to threaten the buyer exceeds the seller’s.

On A Personal Note

                                                            Soul Serenity

I have been indulging in vacation – an altering of routine and locale that I heartily wish upon you all.  As I scribble this, the Cape Cod tide swells o’er the sands outside our window.  All those distractions that muddle my well organized hours at home have been vacated.  (Interestigly, the sky has not yet fallen.) Instead of problem solving, I ponder, explore, contemplate, and reconsider.  Feelings are given value.  After a properly dawdled breakfast, whimsy glides into plan and thus the day runs.

Throughout this shift, my mind and body have plunged along as energetically as typical.  Were I to foolishly waste the precious gift of time quantifying my delightful rambles, I’d doubtless count an equivalent number of miles covered by pedal, paddle, and foot.  But this rescue from routine has fed and limbered my soul in ways countless and unexpected.

Truly, regemin allows a greater quantity of production, yet these  thoughtful dropped stiches in life’s pattern have allowed purpose to seep into my labors – steadily, like the tide.

Wishing you joy,

– Bart

 

Faith, Hope & Charitible Bombardment

If every American donated one dollar to every charitible solicitation he receives, our nation would go bankrupt within a year.

Afterthought.  We Americans are notoriously soft-hearted, sharing our time and hard-won cash with every imaginable group enduring hardship or peril.  Yet, even the most generous of us do often wish that those assaulting us with hourly solicitations might learn to put all their begs in one askit.

 *  *  * 

Do you  know who said: 

“God not only plays dice – he sometimes throws the dice where they may not be seen.”

Hint: This renown theoretical physicist, cosmologist, and author of A Brief History of Time, projected his extraordinary mind far into the universe, bringing us back revolutionary theorems on the Big Bang, the nature of Black Holes, and many more singularities.

*  *  * 

The answer to last week’s quote,

The person who said, “Software is eating the world, but AI is going to eat software,” was Ray Dalio.”

*  *  *

 

Work Wit
Youth & Sage…Every profitable invention requires two generations:  A young clever soul who is fearless enough to come up with the idea, and the more experienced veteran to determine how in heaven’s name it can serve a client.

 

Biz Quiz
How many inventions are brought into production?   By various experts’ count, 10.6 to 11 million patents are held worldwide, with Thomas Edison still the greatest individual holder – 1,093 patents.  An estimated 2.9 percent of new inventions make it into profitable production.
*  *  *

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as we Live it. 

YOUTH – A joyous stage of life employed by those noticeably past it as an excuse for previous blunders and current regrets – e.g. getting a tatoo or an MBA.

FINALLY THE GOOD NEWS! 

This Just in…

Despite the click-happy media’s obsession with presenting hate and horror, there remains much to celebrate this week:
– In Nassau Church, Princeton, New Jersey, 48 high schoolers just returned from a two-week mission in Appalachia helping supply food, repairs, Christian education, and lasting connections.
– Nonviolent Peaceforce teams have competed a community interactive campaign which drastically reduced gun violence in troubled North Minneapolis.  Meanwhile NP’s unarmed peacekeeping teams have won a truce with warring factions, protecting citizens in the Sudan.
– The United Nations’ Commission on The Status of Women and Girls has guided three African nations to change long-standing laws that prevented women from owning property.
– Feeding America’s efforts provided over 164 million pounds of food to 1.2 million hungry people last year, and they announced that donations have allowed for a steady rise in services this year.
Compassionate care glows brightly and strong.

To learn about other social enterprises, visit BartsBooks.com.

***

Truth Proofs

In Washington D.C. a “truth” is verified by the number of people you can entice into honestly wishing it were so.

Afterthought.  Yes, our U.S. capitol consists of 68 square miles surrounded by reality.  But honors for equally dubious truth verification go to Boston where truth is credited to that dueling academic bearing the largest university degree…to Los Angeles, where truth consists of the most sellable idea presented by the most photogenic…and, of course, the Big Apple where it is considered absolutely true if it turns a profit for 100 or more businesspeople.

***

Do you know who said:

          “Software is eating the world, but AI is going to eat software.”

Hint: Called the Steve Jobs of investing, this Chief Investment Officer of the world’s largest hedge fund (Bridgewater Associates), authored Principles, in 2017, honored as the best business book of the decade.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “any man who dies with more than $10,000 should  consider himself a failure,” was Errol Flynn.

***

Work Wit

DUBIOUSLY DEPENDABLE…Cryptocurrency has become the preferred method of payment for thieves and hackers, probably because the exchanges typically prove as trustworthy as they are.

 

Biz Quiz

Is cybercrime on the rise?  In 2023, the 880,418 complaints made to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center cost Americans $12.5 billion – up 22 percent from 2022.  Cybercrime Magazine estimated an $8 trillion cost worldwide in 2023 with an expected 15 percent growth this year.

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Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

DEBATE – A verbal battleground which sacrifices accuracy for style and statistics, in order to judge the contestant who visibly displays the highest self esteem.

***

 

Fellow Travelers

                                                  Holding It Together

Within minutes after Lorraine and I arrived at the race-start on the banks of Poland’s Dunajec River, the failings of the crumbling Soviet technology became plainly evident to us.

Back then, before whitewater canoes and kayaks came factory molded out of rubbery Tupperware, we laid up far less durable boats using layered sheets of fiberglass and Kevlar.  Yes, these garage-crafted craft imbued the river runner with a powerful pride.  But this increased fragility demanded increased agility to weave one’s way ‘twixt the boat-crunching rocks.  And sooner or later every boat took hits, allowing leaks to seep in.

Watching competitors from Poland, Ukraine, then-Czechoslovakia, and mother Russia, make ready their whitewater race boats, we beheld the most amazing, nearly-effective methods of boat repair.  Home made staples, gobs of gooey glue, wadded cloth ties – every substance had been employed to bind up the leaky craft.  It was then, smiling with no little smuggness, that Lorraine and I pulled out our two rolls of gray Duct Tape.  It was like displaying a ball point pen to the signers of the Constitution.  Everyone clustered around, craving a piece.  Within minutes it was all “loaned” out with promises to send along more when we returned home.  Although invented in America in the mid 1940s, it took decades for duct tape to come into consumer retail markets.  Among western paddlers, legend held that it could fix up anything from a shattered boat to a broken marriage.  Within the next few years, duct tape made its way throughout all central Europe.  But by then, the Soviet empire had fallen apart.  Do you suppose that if the USSR had had ample duct tape…?  Nah, probably not.

We invite you to look up the history of Duct Tape.  To learn more about the world renown Polish explorers with whom it was our privilege to travel, visit BartsBooks.com.

Beloved Obsessions

The average U.S. teenager spends 4.3 hours daily on social media – which is, experts note, 17 minutes less than their grandparents spent on the telephone when they were sweet 16.

Afterthought.  Every age has its addictive obsessions.  Perhaps the destructive over-use and abuse springs not from the device, but from a lack of responsibility training.  After all, we carefully train teens before handing them car keys, firearms, and whisky.

***

Do you know who said?

“Any man who dies with more than $10,000 should consider himself a failure.”

Hint: This devilishly handsome, raucously living movie star played, appropriately, Robin Hood, Captain Blood, and Don Juan in film, and thrilled readers equally with his autobiography, My Wicked, Wicked Ways.

***

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease,” was Francois-Marie Aroute – aka Voltaire.

***

Work Wit

Trunk & Tail…Businesses are best run by leaders who can receive each blind executive’s report and from them accurately envision the full elephant.

Biz Quiz

What are the five most common divisions in a large corporation?  Traditionally they were: Operations management, Finance, Marketing, Human Resource, and IT.  More modern firms, however have switched to:

Political manipulation, Shareholder appeasement, Employee elimination, Fantasy brand creation, and Outsourcing operations overseas.

                                                            ***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

BANKING – A financial career in which you may work for seven separate companies in five years without ever leaving your desk

  ***

Fellow Travelers

                                                  Mountaineering Medley

One of the delightful advantages of bicycling a tandem is that the two-person weight allows you to coast swiftly downhill and effortlessly catch all those hard-pedaling singles.  Thus it was that Lorraine and I biked up beside, and rolled into the friendship of Mr. Graham Young – who, greatly to his credit, is every inch an Englishman.  Two post-ride beers later, Graham regaled us with a truly British adventure which I recommend to all stout-legged and properly foolhardy souls.

Lacking dizzying Himalayan heights, the mountains of the British Isles still may test the climber’s mettle (and sanity) when attempted in sequence.  Step #1 – get three climbing friends as young at heart as yourself.  Step #2  – find a swift, comfortable car and capable driver.  Graham opted for a Mercedes 3500.  Step #3 – plan your route to climb the highest mountain in Wales (Mount Snowdon – 3,560 feet, a 14-kilometer round trip); the highest mountain in England (Scafell Pike – 3,210 feet, involving an 8- kilometer trek); and the highest peak in Scotland (Ben Nevis standing 4,406 feet with a 17-kilometer route.)  Oh, and did I mention, that you must accomplish all three summits within 24 hours?  Unofficially titled the National Three-Peaks Challenge, this wearying romp includes approximately 10 hours of driving for those adhering to speed limits.  Having already climbed the midge-ridden Ben Nevis, Lorraine and I thought Graham’s achievement was stunningly impressive, and made about as much sense as, say, a cricket match.   Ah well, each empire to its own sport.

 

                                                            ***

Attention Please!

Today’s basic appliance assembly instructions come printed in French, Japanese, Arabic, Swahili, and English – all languages equally beyond the understanding of the average American reader.

Afterthought.  Publishers assure us that while most Americans are quite literate, they hold the attention span of a gnat on amphetamines.  Thus, for those who still read them, the average 220-page book must be sliced into 130 chapters.

***

Do you know who said?

“The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while  nature cures the disease.”

Hint: One of the finest intellects and sharpest satirists in all 18^th century Europe, this French writer of over 2,000 books, plays, and pamphlets hurled barbs at monarchs, the oppressions of the Catholic church, fellow Enlightenment philosophers, and, in his novel Candide, at overly optimistic thinkers.

***

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “If you must break the law, do it to seize power.  In all other cases, observe it,” was Julius Caesar.

***

Work Wit

Adrift in Data…If my business were as well organized as my desk, we’d hit Chapter 11 within a month.

Biz Quiz

What is the approximate cost of hiring a professional organizer?  To get your desk and workspace cleaned up and workable runs usually $450, but can go up to $1,500.  To develop a systematic work flow that generates more profit, less stress, and no clutter may require a consultant who charges half of what you currently pay your psychiatrist.

***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

LEISURE – Time wasted in pursuing those activities you know you really do enjoy, as opposed to those valuable pursuits that others assure you really should enjoy.  See also Wine, Women, Song.

                                                                                                                     ***

On a Personal Note

    Inside Out

I am forever awed by the healing power of woods.  Within moments of setting my feet on a trail through leafy forest, cares drop away like summer rain.   Distracted from all my distractions, my mind reassures me that this enchanted land is where I belong.  Muses frolic teasingly through my thoughts.  Does that sharp-eyed raptor overhead, ever a few days away from starvation, behold the beauty that seeps into my privileged soul…or do his legendary eyes sweep blindered only in search of opportunity?  My hand slaps hard the smooth grey skin of a massive beech tree – home to thousands.  Under his shadow the lines of life and death blur…old limbs and roots sire new.  Legs lured by an open path grab my curiosity and tug it along.  I follow as their bewildered passenger on this exploratory of expectation.  How surely this much-trod way each time re-creates me into childhood’s realms of endless surprise.  Even the knotty oak root which lays me trippingly down in thick soil, cannot hinder the urge to discover what lies just ahead.  And so on I plod.

***

 

Damn Lies & Statisticians

 

The good news from the nation’s expert economists is, “inflationary trending is taking a sharp downturn.”  It’s just that everything you buy will continue to cost more.

 Afterthought.  If all theorizing economists were laid end to end, it would be best if they were placed face down – to give them a taste of reality.

***

 Do you know who said?

          “If you must break the law, do it to seize power.  In all  other cases, observe it.”

Hint: This ancient Roman conquered Gaul, ended the Roman republic by declaring himself emperor, and on the ides of March, 44 B.C. was stabbed in the forum (not to mention the esophagus and belly) 23 times, thus ending his autocratic rule.

***

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Only when the tide goes out do you discover who’s been swimming naked,” was Warren Buffett.

***

Work Wit

When it comes to corporate structure, remember the maxim: Pyramids are great, pyramids are impressive, but they house only the dead.

Biz Quiz

What companies have the largest number of employees?  As of 2023, Walmart took top honors with 2.1 million employees, with Amazon following in second place with 1.5 million.

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Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

SPAM – An amalgamated substance of unthinkable ingredients originally fed to soldiers and other desperate, unwitting souls; more currently used to clog digital arteries of vital communication.  Practical benefits are yet to be determined.

Finally The Good News

     Homeworks Trenton

If you, as a young, struggling Hong Kong student were given the opportunity to attend the U.S.’s prestigious Lawrenceville Preparatory School and then moved on to earn a dream-desired Bachelors from Princeton University, what would your next career move be?  Investment banking?  Executive placement?  Well, for Natalie Tung the plan was to share that educationally supportive, dormitory atmosphere she gratefully experienced with young students so physically near, but socially so far away.

Thus in 2016, Natalie founded Homeworks Trenton, a free, week-day after-school residential program for marginalized high school girls.  The goal: to supplement the public school experience and develop the next generation of community leaders.  Working with local public schools, Homeworks Trenton has guided over 50 young women toward educational and career programs that would have previously seemed completely beyond their reach.  The program has raised over $6 million in funds from benefactors ranging from Trenton banks to Smith College.   Community members from an astonishing array of professions are donating time and expertise.  Every revolution begins with one person.

To learn more, visit HomeworksTrenton.org.  And to find the male equivalent, visit Bruce Boyd’s Building Our Youth’s Development.

 

Graduation’s Gift

 After four years of high-anxiety worrying of how they can pay for all this high-priced book learning, ‘tis time for college parents to pass the torch to their graduating children land let them worry what in heaven’s name they are going to do with it – and themselves.

Afterthought.  The four million graduating students in the U.S. this year may not find a lot of doors opening for them, but most of them are carrying a justified cockiness that they can forge  their own keys.

***

Do you know who said?

“Only when the tide goes out do you discover whose been swimming naked.”

Hint: Known as “The Oracle of Omaha,” this globally renown, incredibly successful investor has pledged to give 99 percent of his fortune to charities, leaving him to scrape by with a mere $1.4 billion.

***

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewelry,” was John Lennon.

***

Work Wit

Advertising executives devote their days to spanning the vast gap between consumer needs and consumer desire, with bridges of cash.

 Biz Quiz

How much do Americans spend on luxury items?  We are holding steady at $77 billion – and about $387 billion worldwide.

***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

CHILDHOOD – That blissful state of exploratory wonderment experienced by the young prior to their being gifted with electronic devices.      

  As A Parting Shot…

At the Cape Cod Tradewinds Gift Shop in Orleans Massachusetts, where folks flood to feast on seafood freshly pulled from the bay and ocean, I spotted a sturdy wooden sign announcing:

Warning.  Unruly Children Will Be Used As Bait.

According to the shop manager, they have trouble keeping this immensely popular item in stock.  Enough said.

***    ***   ***

 

Wisdom Lags

 All Mankind is innately wise – until they are given the vote.

All Womankind is innately intelligent – until they go about selecting a mate.

Afterthought.  All I know is that my friends keep assuring me that I have much better taste than my wife.  I’m not so sure that’s a compliment.

***

Do you know who said:

“Our incomes are like our shoes; if too small, they gall and pinch us; but if too large, they cause us to stumble and trip.”

Hint: This 17^th century, English “Father of the Enlightenment” influenced the U.S. Constitution, and believed that the role of government was to “secure and protect the God-given inalienable natural rights of the people.”

***

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “The Washington Bullets are changing their name.  They didn’t want to be associated with crime, so from now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets,” was Jay Leno.

***

Work Wit

Making a Killing… An increasing percentage of investors want to place their money only in businesses that actually contribute beneficially to society.  But brokers are cynically joking that “this kind of buying high will force clients to sell low.”

Biz Quiz

What are the qualifications for being listed on the New York Stock Exchange?  A company must have at least 400 shareholders and 1.1 million shares outstanding.  Application fee: $25,000; listing fee: $300,000.

***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

BOTOX – A toxin deliberately injected into parts of the face in order that the user may display to others the countenance of a three-year-old, with reasoning powers to match.

***

 

Finally The Good News

                                                            Thanks Mom

This past Sunday, I did something I always swear is pure foolishment: I took my wife out to eat on Mothers’ Day.  The restaurant joyously burbled with families laughing, swapping gossip, and passing babies around.  Waiters hefted overwhelming dishes before Moms wearing gifted corsages.  Families celebrated just simply being together.

And yes, I had been correct:  The place was absolutely packed.  But our little side table gave us an excellent view of each clan’s eccentric merriment.  Unfortunately, my computer’s 16 gigs of memory forbid my fully outlining all the countless blessings and super-human energies my own mother lavished on me.  However, my heart holds all and each one at ready recall.  My bride Lorraine and I, when not joking with other families, spent appreciative moments sharing how our parents had provided us with models that inspired our own spouse-choice and life together.  Love lavas warmly down through the generations.

So to those who sneer and say that such Mothers/Fathers/Valentines celebrations are merely maudlin froth whipped up as profit makers for food, gift-card, and other businesses, you have my pity.  My only wish is that everybody may cross over to that sunny side and revel reflectively in these innocent and so necessary celebrations offered in our lives.

                                                          ***

Paying Through Time

 When shopping for their first car:

– Boomers looked under the hood.

– Millennials looked at the dashboard screen for cyber connections.

– Generation Zers look online at a thumbnail image and browse thorugh the car’s delivery options.

And all of them pay for it with money they don’t have – yet.

Afterthought. ‘Tis nice to know that some traditions remain with us – passed down from parent to child.

***

Do you know who said:

“The Washington Bullets are changing their name.  They didn’t want to be associated with crime, so from now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets.”

 Hint:  This auto-collecting comic who hosted TV’s Tonight Show for 22 seasons, is known as the hardest-working man in show business.

***

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat and taking tartar sauce with you.” was Hillary Hinton “Zig”  Ziglar.

  ***

Work Wit

Digital’s Lottery….Social media is like the California gold rush.  It generates just enough rumors of folks hitting it big and getting fabulously wealthy to keep the rest of us endlessly prospecting.

Biz Quiz

What are the odds of your social media ad getting read?  Most SM advertisers get their ads clicked on by one half of one per cent of the audience.  The luckiest boast a 9.21 click rate.  78 percent of surveyed social media users claim to never have clicked on a digital ad.

                                                            ***

 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

PROTEST (noun) – 1) A group of people who, lacking the financial leverage to employ the accepted method of persuading those in power, unite in the hopes of convincing governments, businesses, etc. that factors other than personal greed might be considered in policy making.  2) A popular medium for collegiates to meet and couple with their current gender of romantic interest.    See also Quixotic.

 

Finally the Good News

                An Honest Man

In an early January Quips Newsletter, I mentioned our trip out to the Ancient Hittite capital in Turkey and sharing a day with a sheepherder and his fascinating family.  Here hangs a tale that immediately preceded it.

When the bus drops you off at the small desert town of Urgup in central

Turkey, remote is the first word springing to mind.  But this cluster of clay-tiled roofs seem an absolute metropolis hub compared to the rural ruins of Hattusa, the ancient Hittite capital to the northeast.  After a morning of futile searching, we finally found Gorman.  This rugged-looking Turk who looked a lot more sturdy than his automobile, assured us he could handle the several hours of deep sand pathways to this dot on our archeological map.  So after the usual price negotiations involving the desperate state of Gorman’s family and infant child, Lorraine and I jumped into his mostly painted vehicle and headed off.  Our minimal Turkish allowed us to learn of our driver’s military experiences, the creative ways one gleaned sustenance in Urgup, and the passionate love he held for his native land.

As the large Hittite sphinxes of Hattusa’s Gate came into view, Gorman halted, we said our goodbyes, and off he drove in a cloud of grit.  Then, after we had barely unfolded our guide maps, back comes Gorman’s battered chariot.  Straight as a black vulture, the car bears down on us, with Gorman’s hand thrust high out the window.  As it approaches, I abashedly notice he’s hoisting my own wallet which somehow had come off my neck and gotten lodged in the back seat.  Inside, my bride was quick to inform me, was a wad of our cash and my precious passport – worth about a year’s annual income to the average Urgup resident.  Gorman had spied it in the back and reflexively swung around to return it.  Handing if off like a relay runner, the smiling Turk barely slowed his auto, as I trotted off behind and grabbed it.

Months later, upon sharing this tale with a group of several coffee cronies, I was amazed how many of them followed up with similar stories of individuals who had instinctively placed honesty before personal gain.

Good to hear.

Flesh & Blood = Passe

 It seems only proper that the “restaurant” chain that has replaced human food with unpronounceable chemicals should replace human servers with metallic robots.

 Afterthought.  Now, if we could only replace those pesky human customers with AI modules paying in bitcoin, the chain could be complete – and humanity could revert to cooking their own meals, dining, and even conversing.

***

Do you know who said:   “The only law that is really lived up to wholeheartedly and   with a vengeance is the law of conformity.”  

Hint: This Manhattan-born boy grew up, married twice in Brooklyn, then moved to Paris, where he wrote Tropic of Cancer and Tropic of Capricorn which were summarily banned – thus catapulting all his writings into best sellers

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “A successful man is one who can make more money than his wife can spend.  A successful woman is one who can find such a man,” was Lana Turner.

***

Work Wit

Our HR Director has given us all barcoded ID tags to wear at work.  It allows the machines to identify us and track our movements.  He says it’s part of the firm’s “Getting to Know You” policy.

Biz Quiz

What U.S. President, in 1992, upon first encountering a supermarket bar code scanner was stunned and perplexed?  George H.W. Bush.  The commonly rumored beliefs that his son, President George W. Bush couldn’t hold the code right-side-up to the reader, and that President Bill Clinton has his mistress do the supermarket shopping, are unsubstantiated.

***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

WAR – 1) Humanity’s preferred method of negotiation.  2) A highly lauded, invariably unnecessary bloodbath, allowing those in power the dual benefit of punishing other powers who too slowly yield up their wealth, while diminishing the glut of young, glum heroes at home who might later become competitors.

***

On A Personal Note

                                        Eves of Wine and Nonchalance

The mood swiftly crescendoed from convivial to jovial.  ‘Twas Friday eve at the South Brunswick Public Library where a gratifyingly large crowd had gathered, palates at the ready, to take my “Tour of New Jersey’s Fine Wines.”  I really revel in giving these tastings, partially because it bursts the negative myth about our Garden State having no exquisite vintages, but mostly because you encounter folks at their most unfettered – all expectantly happy.  And that’s my point.

We Americans, having no pre-set, formal class structure, have become absolutely obsessed with stratifying every deed, thought, and preference with thinly veiled competitive rankings.  Now one would think surely that joyfully raising a glass of fermented fruit juice to one’s lips would be completely devoid of all better-than-thou contention.  I mean, after all isn’t the best wine in the world the wine you like the best? (My frequent preachment.)  Yet even in so personal and innocent a pleasure, there are those who would turn simple taste into tournament.  As I chatted with folks amidst their sips and samplings, no fewer than three happy tasters came and thanked me for validating their strong individual preference for sweet wines.  (Actually, it is sweet wines – far and away the most globally popular – that keep vineyards financially afloat.) They finally felt free to bypass that effete Cabernet whose choosing placed the imbiber among the truly elite, and reach instead for the glass that put a smile on their lips.  Why not.

So please accept this poor scribbler’s wish.  Be it choosing career, friends, or beverage, may you sample many, many vintages, and may your selection be guided primarily by the joy each delivers to your soul.

         

 

Eclipse of Reason

Why is it we Americans throw parties to celebrate hurricanes and the disappearance of the sun, but plunge into a panic of despair when interest rates rise two tenths of one percent?

 Afterthought.  It all seems strange that we will drive 300 miles to watch the sun disappear, while grumbling if we have to reach too far for the remote.

                                           Do you know who said:

“A successful man is one who can make more money than his wife can spend.  A successful woman is one who can  find such a man.”

Hint: This 20^th century Hollywood femme fatale who dazzled moviegoers in The Postman Always Rings Twice, The Bad and the Beautiful, and Peyton Place, successfully married an amply well-heeled hubby – until her daughter stabbed him to death.

 

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Economy does not consist in saving the coal, but in using wisely the time while it burns,” was Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Work Wit

My father always said, “You cannot cheat an honest man.  But don’t worry, son, they’re such a small percentage of the market, it’s not worth bothering with them.”

Biz Quiz

What state boasts the largest number of fraud cases?  California bears that crown with 47,000 reported fraud cases in the last year.  The average scam victim nationally looses $650.

 

 Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

INFLATION – A form of price gouging that shifts the cause from the merchants, on whose shoulders it belongs, to some ill-explained phantasm called the Economy.

 

Finally, the Good News

         Faith & Good Works

Imagine a gentleman who believes that Peace In Our Time is a goal within our grasp.  No, ‘tis not some wide-eyed dreaming idealist, he is one of the toughest negotiators you will ever encounter – and an idealist.  Dr. Andrea Bartoli is the savvy peace broker you turn to when warring factions must end their conflict or destroy the nation.  A leader in this impossible mission team, Andrea has recently formed the Sant’Egidio Foundation for Peace and Dialog to share these sought-after conflict resolution techniques worldwide.  The Sant’Egidio is a volunteer Christian community founded in 1968, to service the poor and promote peace.

As an example of Sant’Egido’s efforts, after the 2024 Easter Conference in Conkary, Guinea, team members loaded a ridiculously top-heavy truck with 150 mattresses and drove it into the notoriously inhumane Dubreka prison.  Here, Guinea’s poorest are detained for such crimes as petty theft, and typically forgotten since they cannot afford legal counsel.   Prior to receiving these mattresses, prisoners slept on the mud-packed earth in their crowded cells.

To learn the fascinating story of Andrea Bartoli and the Sant’Egidio Community, now expanded into 70 countries, visit https://www.santegidio.org/pageID/1/langID/en/HOME.html

***

Name Your Price

The housing shortage has gotten so bad in the U.S. that realtors are grabbing up any unused building currently abandoned.  Guess that explains the “For Sale” signs on the halls of Congress.

Afterthought.  Seems as if the only political promises being kept are from those legislators who pledged voters that they would avoid governing at all costs.

 

Do you know who said:

          “Economy does not consist in saving the coal, but in using  wisely the time while it burns.”

Hint: While his own coal was burning, this 19^th-century author and speaker founded Transcendentalism, wrote Self-Reliance, mentored H.D. Thoreau, and was deemed by Friedrich Nietzsche as “the most gifted of all Americans.”

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Let us be happy and learn to live within our means – even if we have to borrow money to do it,” was Charles Farrar Browne – pen name: Artemus Ward.

***

Work Wit

Sales Tip 101…To make money for one fiscal quarter, produce a mediocre product and spend a fortune convincing folks that it’s a high-quality necessity.  To make money for a lifetime, offer an excellent product and let others do your advertising.

Biz Quiz 

Of North American business’ $400 billion spent on advertising, how much of that was spent on digital formats?  In 2022 our digital ad tab was $262 billion – almost 70 percent of the total.

***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

SEMINAR – A gathering of the bewildered before a panel of pundits who spout current jargon and ancient maxims.  Viewed by employees as a too-brief work holiday, and by employers as a final desperate resort to boosting production.

Snippet from my new book:  Fellow Traveler

    The Bard

It was a small, rosewood mandolin, held tightly against the softly frayed lapels of his gray jacket, as the taberna owner guided the silent man gently by the elbow to his café table.  A few steps off Athens’ central Syntagma Square, this cozy eatery had become a favorite haunt during our expeditions seeking mythical traces of the Iliad’s wrathful Achilles.  The lamb was good and the retsina, well, plentiful. But what kept drawing us back was this elegant patron and his constant companion he always carried.

With no preparation or announcement, the mandolin launched into a heavy, rhythmic accompaniment, and its owner into an undulating bass melody.  The captivating ballad had begun.  My ancient Greek was rusty, my modern Greek vocabulary small, but nouns like Achilleus, Patroclus, and Hector left no doubt as to the thread of our bard’s tale.  Local Athenian regulars at their tables swayed in time, rocking their chairs against the whitewashed walls – some mouthing remembered phrases.  Lorraine and I felt we had stumbled 1200 years back into a time when wandering Greek poets would stroke their lyres, and fire warrior’s imaginations with tales of their ancestors who had battled and fallen before the walls of Troy.   After an exhaustive recitation that ended far too soon, the taberna owner came over and by hand began feeding our entertainer.  It was only then that I realized that, like the magnificent Homer, our bard was blind.

To learn more about This Athenian Bard and other fellow travelers, visit www.BartsBooks.com.

                                                          ***

 

Grade Grinders

Listen to your parents, study hard to get better grades than your fellows, and you’ll end up drawing a huge salary paycheck…And it will be signed by that bookish CEO who somehow just had a lust for learning.

 Afterthought.  School is not competitive.  People make it competitive.  The wildly innovative CEO of Campbell Soup Company was led early on to discover the classroom and library as treasure troves for her natural curiosity.  Kinda makes you wish everyone had parents like hers.

                                                   Do you know who said:

“Let us be happy and learn to live within our means – even if we have to borrow money to do it.”

 Hint: An influencer of Mark Twain, this 19^th century humorist, famed for his dead-pan delivery of wildly satiric lines from the podium, wrote under the pseudonym whom he depicted as “an illiterate rube with Yankee common sense.”

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, (when asked upon his deathbed if he had made peace with God…) “It really isn’t necessary, we have never quarreled,” was Henry Davi

                                                                    Work Wit

Mind Melding…There exist two effective methods of achieving consensus: #1: Become so irrationally terrifying that others are too frightened to disagree; and #2: Set up a white board and endlessly confuse folks into agreeing so they can get the hell out of the meeting.

Biz Quiz

What are the two sure-fire issues guaranteed to deliver a unanimous vote? Board member compensation raises and Golden parachutes for CEOs who are guided by shareholder advice.

 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

MERGER – A business dealing involving two blatantly distrustful parties, who, in the spirit of mutual profit lust, agree to set aside their suspicions and shake hands.

            ****

Fashion Statements

All the latest genderless pants come equipped with beverage pockets, phone pockets, but no wallet pockets.  Guess that by the time you finish paying for the first two, you’ve got no cash left to carry.

Afterthought.  Phone-tap shopping is such fun. You don’t even need a balance in the bank to “pay” for every little thing your heart desires.

***

Do you know who said:

(when asked upon his deathbed if he had made peace with God…)       

“It really isn’t necessary, we have never quarreled.”

Hint: This son of a wealthy New England pencil maker learned to “Simplify, Simplify, Simplify” on Walden Pond and Cape C

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “What disqualifies War from being a true game is probably what disqualifies the Stock Market and Business – the rules are not fully known nor accepted by all the players,” was Marshal McLuhan.

***

Work Wit

Lax Tracks – The trouble with our CFO is that he expands the style of Business Casual to his corporate accounting method.

Biz Quiz

What states pay accountants the highest compensation?  In order: New York, New Jersey, Virginia, California – and topping all of these, not surprisingly, is Washington D.C.

***

 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

DOCUMENT – A piece of scribbled paper putting on airs after being scanned into some high tech device.

***

Finally the Good News

Loaves & Fishes

In a rural corner of northern India, squatting on an unpaved road, a street vendor announces to her cohort, “I need to save.”

“And I dream of a pair of sandals.  But you can barely feed your three children – how do you expect to save money for future days?  The local bank agreed.  When they sought a saving plan from their local bank, our two street vendors were promptly ushered outside.  But these ladies were not to be deterred.

They began spreading news of their financial savings plans/dreams with other vendors.  Then they shared their idea with other mothers in their village.  The pot began to boil.  Individually, each was scraping by on nearly nothing.  But slowly they began to pool their resources.  Gradually, these ladies’ funds accrued, and their meager resources became bounty.  Thus was born the women’s bank of Utter Pradesh (The formal name does not translate easily).  Today, they make micro loans to neighbors wanting to set up a sewing business, or food loans to fellows temporarily without work.  This marvelous true tale shows how great prosperity can blossom when watered with the blessing of cooperation and determination.

For further examples of admirable social entrepreneurs visit    Finally, The Good News – BartsBooks  

Shrinkflation Fighters

In an effort to keep that same level of quality taxpayers have come to expect from the IRS, your Revenue Service promises to increase the 2023 tax guide pages by 70 percent, the phone waiting time by 200 percent, the number of weeks waiting for refunds by 150 percent, and the dubious dependability of official advice will hold constant at zero.

 Afterthought.  In an age when every business is charging more and offering less, ‘tis refreshing to see at least one institution still delivering as big a bang for grabbing your bucks as ever – despite their heartbreaking reports of understaffing.

Do you know who said?

“What disqualifies War from being a true game is probably  what disqualifies the Stock Market and Business – the rules are not fully known nor accepted by all the players.”

 Hint:  Known as the “Father of Media,” this Canadian philosopher predicted the worldwide web in 1964, coined the term “global village,” and revealed woeful truth with his saying “The media is the message.”

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “Man is a creature who lives not upon bread alone, but primarily by catchwords,” was Robert Louis Stevenson.

  Work Wit

Fail once and folks call you unlucky.  Fail three more times and you’re a looser.  Fail four more times and triumph once, and media brands you “An Overnight Success.”

Biz Quiz

What three types of business startups boast the highest success rate?  Business Consulting, IT Support, Cleaning Services.  (More cleaning startups succeed than new marketing firms.  Hmmm.)

                     Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

CATCHPHRASE – A high-sounding, meaningless cluster of words that legislators sell to voters, who then elect them to sell influence, government contracts, and integrity to the highest bidder.

See also “MAGA” and “Manifest Destiny.”

 Finally, the Good News

Ladies Take the Lead

When its women are poor – ain’t no nation wealthy.   And right as you read, the United Nations is aggressively taking aim to eliminate the poverty of women in its 68^th annual Commission on the Status of Women Session.  From March 8 – 22, thousands of women representing 180 nations will flood into New York City to launch, push through, and make happen policies and programs that will empower all women and girls by addressing poverty from a gender perspective.

Did you know that in great number of nation’s women hold no right to own property – so that when a woman’s husband/brother dies all her possessions are up for grabs?  That more than 100 million women and girls are living in extreme poverty? Well, these CSW ladies and gentlemen are gathering around the U.N headquarters to lay out solid, working remedies.  The plans forged by both governmental and non-governmental organizations will create 300 million new jobs, accelerate vital aid to women entrepreneurs, and urge the 2.6 billion people going to the polls next year to cast their votes for gender equality.   (This writer must confess a special interest in the U.N.’s  2024 CSW, since his wife, Lorraine Jackson, is one of the delegates.)

To learn more about the 68^th Commission on the Status of Women, visit UN/news.org – CSW68.

 

***

Human NFTs

           The Cambridge English Dictionary defines nonfungible as some quirky, original item that is unique and cannot be replaced – like your inlaws or Congressperson – no matter how hard you try.  Kind of a shame.

Afterthought.  Seems odd that so many corporations are forever buying up and collecting the whole set of legislators, when they are as stable as bitcoin.

Do you know who said:

“Man is a creature who lives not upon bread alone, but primarily by catchwords.”

Hint: The author of this sardonic quote never witnessed a political debate, TV ad, or Fox News, but did find time to pen Treasure Island and The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said, “I have searched all the parks in all the cities and found no statues of committees,” was G.K. Chesterson.

                                                     Work Wit

Necessary Jewelry….Today’s job applicant facing that all-important interview will always remember to remove all body piercings, but wouldn’t dream of removing his fitness earbuds.

Biz Quiz

What percent of Americans wear earbuds?  80 percent of Gen Zers (ages 12 – 27) wear them for an average of 6 hours per day;  From ages 30 on it dwindles from 30 to 17 percent.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

KNOWLEDGE – 1) A collection of other peoples’ original ideas which when ingested by students, many parents believe, holds the mythical powers of instilling financial wealth.  Often seen parading as intelligence.

2) Although it rhymes with college, knowledge stems from entirely different origins.

 

Snippet from my new book:  Fellow Travelers

      A Follower of The Way

My heart wept for this young monk.  The northern Thailand metropolis of Chiang Mai literally reeks of Buddhist devotion. The countless gilded spires of her 15^th century wats (temples), and their incense rising heavenward, instill on even the most casual traveler a sense that here is a holy city.  At the end of our first week exploring the area, Lorraine and I found ourselves seated on the steps of the Wat Phra That Doi Suthep with a young robed monk in his late twenties who labored and prayed at this wat.  We had brought him an offering of toiletries and underwear for which he thanked us profusely, and, in careful English, he began to unfold his personal story.

As he came to the end, this beautiful boy, in the prime of his life cast his eyes down and shared with us, “I am afraid I will never be a good Buddhist….I have studied and prayed for the last seven years, and I still have desires.”  His words had landed on a man who fervently sees emotions as a divinely-gifted source of joy and passionate desires as a vital wellspring of personal power.  I realize that several segments of Buddha’s followers see dispelling of desires as a necessary step toward enlightenment, but my witnessing the sadness in this young voice – the sincere devotion coupled with a frustrated sense of failure…Perhaps I was like the blind man holding only the tail of an enormous glorious elephant.  Yet I confess, his words still sting my soul.

**********

See it – Tax it!

The American Bar Association is working to mandate registration and insurance for e-bikes.  The lawyers claim it will greatly increase safety – for their stock portfolios, I mean.

Afterthought.  The only good thing ever to come out of national registration & taxation was Jesus Christ being born in Bethlehem.  If you really want to increase safety, why not register those idiots who walk into busy streets with faces staring into their phones?

Do You Know Who Said

“I have searched all the parks in all the cities and found no statues of committees.”

Hint:  Often referred to as the Prince of Paradox, this 286-pound British author wrote, along with a mountain of scholarly essays, Father Brown – the novel about the oh-so-English priest-detective, which has become the popular TV series.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “Vision without execution is hallucination,” was Thomas Edison.

Work Wit

The ME in Team…  Business leaders who are cock-sure confident to the point of lunacy and who ruthlessly slave drive employees for their own personal enrichment, may be assured of great praise by the media, and great debits in their balance sheets.

Biz Quiz

In the 21^st century, how many Fortune 500 companies have failed?  52 percent of the U.S. Fortune 500 firms thriving in the year 2000 have failed, gone bankrupt, or disappeared as of 2023.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

CONTRACT – A gauntlet hurled down between two attorneys to see which one can walk away with a greater amount of his client’s money.

Snippet from my new book:  Fellow Travelers

                                                  Running Rivers Blind

“To New Zealand – The most Can-Do nation in the world,” we toasted.

Lorraine and I clinked glasses with Ted and Johnson, two new-found fellow whitewater paddlers whose exploratory exploits put all my treks to shame.  They had just come off three weeks running nameless steep creeks that shed waters from the mountainous spine of  NZ’s South Island.   Their modus operandi was to spot blue lines denoting streams on a map, bushwack themselves, gear and kayaks to some accessible point, put in, and run it blind.  Fruit, first aid kit, sleeping bag, bivvy sack – and, of course, duct tape – comprised majority of their equipment.

These gentlemen’s risk tolerance would make bitcoin investors look like frightened rabbits.  When a tight tongue of water hurls your boat around a corner in front of a chest-high tree fallen across the creek, you simply Eskimo roll – drift under it – and hopefully roll back up downstream.  When you encounter  a “strainer” a fallen tree that puts a curtain of branches in your path, you discover new and original methods of prayer….

What adventures inspired these travelers’ toast “The Most Can-Do Nation?  How did Ted & Johnson find, get to, and survive these lost rivers?  For the rest of this tale visit BartsBooks.com.

Close Connections

My buddy just texted me with a request to phone him.  Apparently, he can whip off a 200-word missive while driving 75 mph down the interstate, but the complexities of connecting to a personal conversation elude him.

Afterthought.  All this would have more sense, perhaps, if I weren’t already sitting in his back seat, watching a Friends rerun on my own phone.

                                 Do you know who said:

“Vision without execution is hallucination.”

Hint: This legendary inventor envisioned & executed the electric light and motion pictures, but somehow could never quite wrap his mind around Mr. Tesla’s idea of alternating cur

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall,” was Vince Lombardi.

                                               Work Wit

Boss of your boss…American business folks believe that if you invent more, network more, and labor longer hours, you may someday be supervising your boss.  Is that the lure of hope – or revenge?

Biz Quiz.  How long do we work?  The U.S. Department of Labor states that the average American worker (all levels) labors 2,200 hours a year.  This compares favorably with the 16,000 – 18,000 hours throughout Europe and the 2,000 in Japan.  The dish of mobility, whether served hot or cold, is apparently a very tasty and desired delicacy.

                     Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

BUSINESS PERSON – A bundle of whimsically conflicting agendas bundled together within a fragile skin of transparent ambition.  (See also Hope, Energy, and Avarice.)

                                                            ***

 Snippet from my new book:  Fellow Travelers

A Mediterranean Diet

Phalanxes of Egyptian bathing beauties, swathed from head to toe in flowing robes of black cotton, tentatively brave the azure waves  rhythmically swarming o’er the fine sands of Alexandria’s public beach.  Clasping hands for support, these Islam lasses shriek with delight along this historic shore where the ancient Nile pours its waters into the Mediterranean Sea.   From our café table overlooking this frivolity, Lorraine and I sip viscous-thick coffees, as a young boy sporting a wad of ink-black curls hefts an intriguingly heavy bucket onto our table.  Like the city’s namesake, this earnest lad, with no more clothing than Kipling’s Gunga Din, announces that he too is named Alexander…. And then, with a slight bow, he gets down to business.

Fresh from the waters we now gaze upon, Alexander has netted a bucket of sea urchins.  These intimidating nuggets bristling with poisonous spines, he assures us, embody an ambrosia fit for the deities of the Nile and Olympus, and honored American guests, like ourselves.  Ever suckers for a sales pitch, we shell out a batch of piastres, and watch as Alexander deftly de-shells the fist-size globular echinoderms.  With no little pride he sets before us dainty umber ovals vaguely resembling miniature human brains….

Did we dare partake?  Were they as absolutely divine as our young host boasted?  For the rest of this and other tales visit Fellow Travelers on www.BartsBooks.com

 

February 13, 2024

Changing With The Times

 In former centuries, fame and wealth were lavished on sword-wielding warriors who would whip up chaos.  Today’s grand medals and celebrity go to hard-bodied hurlers of footballs and rotund chefs who whip up fancy French sauces.  We are defined by our heroes.

 Afterthought.  Perhaps one of the greatest gifts of technology is that it has helped take the glory out of lethal combat.

***

Do you know who said:

“A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.”

Hint: Son of a Brooklyn butcher, the author of this somewhat biased opinion coached the Green Bay Packers into five National Football League titles, including the first two Super Bowls.

***

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through an whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money” was Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain).

***

Work Wit

Desperate Classified Ad… Wanted: Recent college graduates with a greater-than-one-tweet attention span, and Boomers with the patience to solve at least one computer glitch without throwing a tantrum.

Biz Quiz

Are there any Boomers left in the U.S. labor force?  Yes – a few.  As of the 4^th quarter 2023, the United States claimed 17.3 million working Boomers (born between 1946 – 1964).  It is expected that by December 2024, we’ll see more working Gen Zers (currently ages 12 – 27) than Boomers.

               ***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

EXIT STRATEGY – The emergency response plan to a crumbling corporate veil and suddenly being held accountable for one’s actions.  Such as, “Sally, under my bed you will find a pre-packed bag and a charter plane ticket to Dubai. I need them now.”

***

‘Tis the Season

In Defense of Valentines, Romance & Lovebirds

While she lies sleeping, I rise and finish my poem to my best beloved, in which I recall those sweet, brief glimpses of her that glow ever in my memory and fuel my soul.  It will get penned onto a large paper heart and, after reading it to her over breakfast, it will join the others in the countless clutter of scribbled love verses published on the north wall of our house.  The remainder of our Valentines Day ritual involves lobster, highly-over-priced Champagne, a trek of recollection down some wooded trail, and other intimacies.  After all, what is life without love and what is love without celebration?

Now I realize that behind the sound of my popping the cork, murmurs the call from all those unlovely folks spouting the commercialism and silliness of Valentines Day.  Masking their fear with cynicism, they insist we should plunk our minds onto more serious matters – presumably the rapes, corruptions, and murders that fill our nightly “News You Need to Know” columns.  Yet my personal crusade for glee, laughter, and the volcanic passion of love, claims as honored an intellectual pedigree as any of those whose preachments would send us ever down rabbit holes of endless anxiety.

I refer to philosophy’s 18^th century crew of visionary thinkers – The Romantics.  These poets, writers, and students of life looked inward, seeking and examining the full potential of the human personality. Romantics hung their first glance on the ideal – studying the potential and imaginatively catapulting it into a path for brilliance.   They were preoccupied with the hero and the genius that glows as a waiting ember within each of us.   So this February 14, I invite you to love like a Romantic – cut loose.  Seek that that absolute best and powerful potential of those you love and then whip up a little joyful hoopla in gratitude that such wonders of love float dazzlingly around us.

Have fun,

– Bart Jackson

February 8, 2024

More Weeks of Winter?

We’re not taking sides on climate change, but this February second when they went to check on the Groundhog’s Hole, they discovered he’d been eaten by a starving polar bear – and his den was flooded by a mud slide.

Afterthought.  Regardless of how much evidence piles up of humanity’s self-destructive emissions, we will always be able to find fools willing to stick their heads in a hole and shut their eyes to all remedies.

***

Do you know who said:

“The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.”

Hint: This author of Pudd’nhead Wilson and other wisdom-drenched satiric novels counted the young Helen Keller among his own friends.

***

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “Business executives feel about government regulation the same way children feel about laws that limit their consumption of ice cream,” was Peter Baida.

  ***

Work Wit

Three men were being shipped to a desert island and told they could take only one book.  The Imam took the Koran.  The priest selected the Bible.  Ah, but the entrepreneur grabbed a copy of How to Build a Canoe.

Biz Quiz

What nation boasts the most startup enterprises?  The United States (over 5 million in 2023).  Europe, with more than twice the population, launched 3.4 million new businesses.

***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

INHERITANCE – 1) A curse visited on a heretofore loving family, designed to rend relations asunder by enforcing ruinous idleness on some, and inciting feuds among those remaining.  2) A grave test of character inflicted upon a family’s members by those dearly departing it.

***

Finally, The Good News

                                        Yes, You Belong

‘Tis a simple truth.  Those individuals who make up the self-named Queer Community (LGBTQIA) – just like every one of us, require the security and safe space to be themselves, to be counted, and to live lives without fear.  Robert Seda-Schrieber not only knows this, as founder & Chief Activist of Princeton, NJ’s Bayard Rustin Center for Social Justice, he ensures it.

The energetically creative list of the Center’s programs range from Social gatherings, Author-led book discussions, Politicians visiting to learn and understand, and Reproductive rights sharing forums – to Pride parades and Drag queen story hours.  ‘Tis a hub that offers warmth, love, and inclusivity, along with a firm grasp of social action.  In a nation where that precious sense of community seems to be ever fragmenting, it is so refreshing to see a leader like Robert building it back up.

 

To learn more Robert Seda-Schrieber and the Rustin Center, visit www.rustincenter.org.

February 5, 2024

Vested Interests

Listening to politicians tell you about the health of the economy is like inviting a mosquito to evaluate the health of your blood.

 Afterthought. My father always taught me to never trust financial assessments from a person who votes his own pay raise from out of your pocket.

*  *  *

Do you know who said:

“Business executives feel about government regulation the same way children feel about laws that limit their consumption of ice cream.”

Hint: This O. Henry-Award-winning short story master gained fame from his The Nurse’s Story, also authored Money Madness, The Men who Make the Rules and Poor Richard’s Legacy – American business values from Benjamin Franklin to Donald Trump

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “All you have to do is say something that nobody understands and they’ll do practically anything you want them to,”  was Jerome David (J.D.) Salinger.

Work Wit

Employees are Quirky…  Expect them to do everything you ask of them and they will – grudgingly.  Ask them to surprise you and achieve the nearly impossible, and ‘tis amazing how eagerly they set to and attempt it.

Biz Quiz

As a new employee, this bank clerk was sent to New Orleans by the firm’s president to deliver some bonds.  Instead, this future financial lion cashed the bonds, bought a shipload of coffee, and returned to the bank three times the profit expected.  Who was he and what happened to him?  His name was James Pierpont Morgan; the banking firm of Duncan, Sherman & Co. was his employer.  They fired young JP, but he managed to do rather well for himself soon after.

***

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

MID-LIFE CRISIS – Currently, that traumatic stage of modern life during which women decide to have children, and men decide to buy a Ferrari.

                                                  ***

Snippet from my new book:  Fellow Travelers

                                                  When Empire Fades                                

His sheep nibbled around the feet of a giant, startlingly-fanged lion, while ranks of tall-plumed, sword-waving soldiers looked on.  Hattusha, grand capital of Hittites Empire, once ruling most of Anatolian Turkey, now, two and a half millennia later, seemed to boast a single human inhabitant: Baris, absolute ruler of nearly two dozen wooly minions.  Lorraine and I had arrived in full archeological fervor to walk the high stone walls, gates, and temples of this Ozyimandesque ruin.   But our true cultural education came when Baris invited us into his home to meet his wives and children.  What a rich blending of modern perks, devoutly stirred into layers of old and treasured traditions….

So, how does today’s tech take its place among those who value the past?) To find the end of this tale, visit https://www.BartsBooks.com.

January 24, 2024

Never Too Close

Our society encourages the glue of love, they just don’t want the surfaces to touch.

Afterthought. Over the years, we have surrounded physical intimacy with more conditions and taboos than we impose on physical violence.  I’m not sure if our cultures fear the joy involved, or the offspring that result.

                                                  * * *

Do you know who said:

“All you have to do is say something that nobody understands and they’ll do practically anything you want them to.”

Hint:  This author’s Catcher in the Rye caught the fiery ire of prudish school boards across the nation when they learned that students were reading about Holden Caulfield’s bumbling sexual adventures

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “What we call man’s power over Nature turns out to be a power exercised by some men over other men with Nature as its instrument,” was Clive Staples (C.S.) Lewis.

                                                  * * *

Work Wit

To the Right of Truth…In the Boomer’s generation, folks got fired.  More recently, folks got laid off.  Now companies are “rightsizing” their employees.  But no matter how softly you spin it, it still adds up to “Clean out your desk, son. No more salary, and don’t steal any pencils on the way out.”

Biz Quiz:  To obtain the “right size” number of employees, how many U.S. tech workers were fired in the first half of 2023?  Best estimates say that 200,000 of America’s 5.2 million tech workers told to hit the bricks in the first two quarters of 2023.                                                   * * *

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

STRATEGIC – An nonessential exclamation point inserted to punctuate a mediocre business operation.  For example, having a marketing plan is good, but having a strategic marketing plan, apparently, really captures my attention!

   Finally, The Good News

For Roland Schatz, it’s a simple equation:

1. Our planet needs reforestation to survive. (About a trillion trees are required.)
2. Homeless people need jobs that pay in a currency that works for them.

Thus A + B = A social & planetary victory.  Roland arranges for homeless individuals in Europe and the Near East to plant trees in vital regions, for which they receive a credit card good at many of the local stores and eateries in their area.  (The homeless worker even receives the carbon credits as a bonus – good for extra food.)

As founder of UNGSII Foundation, this is just one of numerous projects Roland has set in motion to help humanity fulfill the United Nation’s 17 Sustainability Goals.

To learn more about Roland Schatz and the amazing work of his foundation, visit www.ungsii.org.

                                                            * * *

January 17,2024

What We Swallow

Truth is the precious sustenance enjoyed by the intelligent. Rumor is the sweet candy that salivates the simple-minded.  Our news media is apparently in the confectionary business.

Afterthought.  News providers ever assure themselves that nothing boosts circulation/views like a good rumor, particularly when targeted at a celebrity whose name already sparks emotion.  Just remember, you are what you digest.

Do you know who said:

“What we call man’s power over Nature turns out to be a  power exercised by some men over other men with Nature  as its instrument.”

Hint: This Belfast-born, scalpel-witted author of The Screw Tape Letters and The Chronicles of Narnia provided the average spiritual searcher more reasons for following Christianity than a passel of pontificating pries 

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “Without promotion, something terrible  happens…Nothing!” was Phineas Taylor (P.T.) Barnum.

 

    Work Wit

Executive Value…Based on our CEO’s performance, our board’s decided to have him indicted for embezzlement when he goes to cash his paycheck.

Biz Quiz: What is the very best and the very worst course of action a CEO may make? General agreement seems to award the most productive CEO effort is to create – by example – an emotional enthusiasm among all members of the firm.  The worst move: let investors’ advice guide corporate actions.

 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

AUTOMOBILE – 1) A costly machine that increases the speed and anxiety of travel. 2) A cultural icon by which men judge the personal worth, and women judge the sexual allure of its owner.

                                              Snippet from my new book:  Fellow Travelers

Blood Stones

“My love, did you know that Antwerp is the diamond capital of the world?” This cultural nugget was called out to me by my bride who perched behind me on our tandem bicycle as we pedaled our way into that gilded city. Lorraine had leaned her lips way forward into my ear to make me fully aware of this vital fact.  “Keep pedaling,” I responded.  Fat chance.  Within minutes, we stood before a glistening glass case with a fatuous salesman babbling to my dazzled wife about marquise vs. ascher cut stones.  Behind him, in the shop’s corner a grey figure (Wilbert) bent intently over a rotating grinding wheel, his face inches away from the precious diamond he was painstakingly shaping.

In earlier Belgium travels, I had watched a factory of such craftsmen pressing stones against turntable-size grinders, and learned that the diamond dust they inadvertently inhaled gave them a 25-year life expectancy.  In later treks through Africa’s Ivory Coast, I would witness the wincing slavery afflicted on the conscripted miners of these prized objects.  The price some pay for what is deemed beautiful.

So, how many of the Antwerp’s diamonds did Lorraine put us into hock for? (Through this city pass 85 percent of the world’s rough cut diamonds.) To find the end of this tale, visit https://www/BartsBooks.com.

                                         *****

January 10,2024

Finally, The Good News

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Wild Child Days

Perhaps the grandest thing about the holidays is that children can ignore all those parental proddings to grow up, and, for a brief time, may just celebrate on the true, wide-eyed joys of being a kid.

Afterthought. And for all us already-gown-ups, the dubious joys of donning the mantel of adulthood get set aside this season, as we look back through the lens of nostalgia and recall all those joyful adventures that nobody ever caught us doing.

 

Do You Know Who Said:

          “Better to do a good deed near home than to go far away to burn incense.”

Hint:  No one is absolutely sure how far away this daring aviator eventually ventured, but in 1932, she did inspire countless explorer-wannabes by being the first lady aviator to fly solo across the Atlantic.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband,” was Michel de Montaigne.

Work Wit

We had to let that manager go – he kept mistaking emails for work.

Biz Quiz: How many emails do we send? U.S. residents send 333.2 billion emails each day.  The average office worker sends 40 emails daily, yet receives 121 business-related emails daily.  How does that tally?

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE – An arduously conceived imitative offspring of humanity which, being spawned from our species’ imagination rather than its loins, is viewed with even more fearful suspicion than children.

Snippet from my new book:  Fellow Travelers

                             A Legacy of Pride

Barley, like humanity, has learned to adapt and thrive in nearly all climes across our globe.  From Tibet to Tierra del Fuego, we have encountered hardy humans gathering in tough stands of barley.  Yet nowhere have we seen this crop cultivated with more careful regard than in a high corner of Perthshire Scotland, where under the calloused hands and watchful eyes of Callum, two yearly plantings are brought to plentiful harvest.  The white cottage and barn of his farm stand as small islets amid a peaceful sea of wind-kissed grain stretching to distant foothills.

Callum sits us at his table, centerpieced with a large Scotch bottle. With no little ceremony, he hoists the amber bottle from which he liberally pours, then holds it up for our inspection.  He then points toward the west window. “Since that distillery first malted barley for its single malt Scotch in 1825, our family and this farm has been its sole supplier,” Callum announced with no little modesty.  “Every dram enjoyed all across Scotland and beyond – every smile on thirsty lips can trace its origin back to this land and my family’s labors…”

To learn more about Callum, his agricultural magic, and the exquisite taste of his elixir, visit https://www.BartsBooks.com.

December 12,2023

Reputation Inflation

You never realize how enviably successful your friends are until you receive their annual Christmas letters.

Afterthought. During the Holiday Letter Brag Competition truth tends to get stretched further than a finely overblown LinkedIn profile.  And while a little spin is harmless, too much leaves you with, well, bitcoin.

 Do You Know Who Said:

          “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”

Hint: This famed 16^th century French statesman and witty developer of the Essay form, was the son of fabulously wealthy herring-merchant parents who strictly arranged all his youth – and his marriage.

 Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “Always carry a flagon of whisky in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake,” was W.C. Fields.

Work Wit

If your company teases customers through a digital maze just to get a hold of a real human being, don’t be surprised if fewer and fewer buyers want to get into your game.

Biz Quiz: What is the number of Facebook (Meta) employees hired to deal directly with customer problems?  Zero.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

 EMPOWERMENT – Providing a disinterested soul with the tools and dubious motivation to labor on your behalf at tasks which neither of you enjoys doing.

Finally, The Good News

The phone rings.  “Do you need any help in moving your aunt’s furniture into the retirement home….I can’t come until this afternoon because I’m helping our minister who has been finding homes for immigrants for over 20 years – the man is amazing…”  And so come the calls into our home from friends this yuletide season.  Everyone is holiday-stressed, yet everyone is willing to pitch in and volunteer.  Out on our kitchen table stands a heap of mail from charities dedicated to bringing compassionate care to everything from whales to war-torn refugees and the disease afflicted.  Yes, these pleas for your hard earned cash are overwhelming, to say the least.  But think about it for a moment.  The United States boasts over one and a half million charitable organizations, to which we Americans donate nearly $500 billion every year.  Even adjusted for inflation, we Americans give three and a half times what we were giving in those supposedly golden times of 1954.  (If you want  a little uplifting, visit the Givers Hall of Fame at philanthropyroundtable.org.)  So let me personally thank each of you in our country for your generous – and increasingly generous heart.  It makes me proud to be an American.

November 30,2023

Who Owns Whom?

As we cram more stuff into our lives, houses have necessarily grown larger and individuals have necessarily grown smaller, and of less importance.

Afterthought. “He who dies with the most toys wins,” may be the mantra of the mid and older generations, but a refreshing breeze is blowing from so many of the younger generation who refuse to see themselves as merely consumers.

Do You Know Who Said:

          “Always carry a flagon of whisky in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.”

Hint: This Hollywood wit said “go away kid you bother me,” but was more than willing to answer Mae West’s call when she beckoned with “Come on up and see me.”

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “The CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn’t let them into the family brokerage business,” was Lyndon Johnson.

Work Wit  Put a “Special Sale” sign beside it and a Santa’s hat on top of it and you can charge anything you want for it after Thanksgiving.

Biz Quiz:  How much did frantic retail shoppers spend on Black Friday in 2023?  Americans spent $9.8 billion on retail goods this day after Thanksgiving – up 7.6 percent from last year.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

PLEASURE – A raw human emotion from which we mold the backbone of the American economy.

 

Snippet from my upcoming book:  Fellow Travelers

                                                The World Fixer

It seemed a fairly standard upscale Cairo apartment, except that all upholstered furniture lay carefully blanketed with newspapers to catch droppings from the wounded fish eagle who screamed just overhead as we entered.  Rose and her exquisitely tolerant husband had found this injured raptor hopping along the Nile and had brought it home to nurse its recovery.  While penning an article on Cairo’s nefarious Pet Market, I had invited passionate animal advocate Rose to join Lorraine and me as we toured the stalls ‘neath the broiling Egyptian sun.  She was a whirlwind. Grabbing a vendor’s galabeya, she pointed to his cage crammed with tortoises stacked like cordwood and demanded he give them better treatment.  A tall, bewildered seller of secretary birds and an albino crocodile came under her wrath as Rose screamingly cited CITES illegal trade laws and threatened to bring this man to justice.  Even on our way to her home, Rose lectured our taxi driver – a father of seven – how Allah would better favor those with minimal means who practiced birth control.

Rose was truly an individual fireball, whose sole ambition was to make ours a better world.  And if we are lucky, our world will begin to grow a lot more Roses, for our own sakes.

To learn more about Rose and how she is reforming Cairo by storm, visit BartsBooks.com.

 

November 23,2023

Blissful Ignorance

My new FamilyLurk spy app tracks the every movement of my spouse and children.  The new deluxe model tracks my blood pressure and sends alerts when I learn the results.

Afterthought. Apparently we don’t have enough anxiety buttons in our civilized life, so we have to send our prayers to the technology deities to help us foster a few more.  If we trusted our loved ones to live their own lives, do you suppose we might better tend to our own?  Nah, probably not.

Do You Know Who Said:    “The CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to    Princeton but wouldn’t let them into the family brokerage  business.”

Hint:  This legendary legislator and President who pushed through the 1964 Civil Rights Act, also noted that, “The guns, and the bombs, the rockets and the warships are all symbols of human failure.”

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said “I am not against hasty marriages, where a mutual flame is fanned by an adequate income,” was Will Durant.

Work Wit

Marketing is the art of seducing folks to poke their noses into your business.  Sales is the art of making them want to pay for the privilege.

Biz Quiz: During the last decade, what percentage of newly launched marketing firms are founded/headed by women?  Approximately 80 percent.

 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

ETHICS – A set of lofty behavioral standards designed by a group of scoundrels as a fig leaf to cover a furtive tradition of disreputable actions. See also U.S. Supreme Court.

November 7th, 2023

The Ghouls Among Us

This Halloween my son wanted to dress up as a politician, but we couldn’t find an orange prison jumpsuit in his size.

Afterthought. Nonetheless I think the boy has real political potential.  He has convinced the neighbor kids to go trick-or-treating, give him their candy, and then pay him for the privilege of participating in his Halloween Action Committee.

Do you know who said:

“Meetings are indispensible when you don’t want to do anything.”

Hint: This Canadian American economist guided five Democratic presidents, served as a Harvard professor for half a century, and authored 40 books – including The Affluent Society which outlined the rise of post World War II income disparity.

Answer to Last Week’s Quote

The person who said. “Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone,” Was John Maynard Keynes.

Work Wit

Hire Education…I have a solution to the illegal child labor problem.  Just send all underage children to college – and you’ll never get a lick of work out of them after that.

Biz Quiz: What is the minimum legal age for non-agricultural labor in the United States?  With some exceptions, age 14. (Currently 16 states are structuring bills to remove all age limits.)

Are child labor violations on the rise?  2022 saw the number of children working in violation of child labor laws rise 37 percent over the previous year and 283 percent over 2015.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

Liquor – The cure for all old ills, and the creator of fresh new ones.

Snippet from my new book:  Fellow Travelers

                                      Into the Jaws

Nemu’s coal-black lips pulled back into a broad smile revealing glistening rows of white teeth.  “Every one of our young men must learn how to kill a lion to gain his manhood,” explained Nemu.  “It is necessary for us.” Reverently raising the crescent ebony blade in his fist, he placed it in my hand.  “I can teach you how.   I know you can do this.”  My own face winced into a dubious skepticism as my fingers gripped the handle of this flat curved wooden tool that reminded me of my mother’s vegetable chopper.  Disbelief blurred most of the Maasai warrior’s words as he detailed how my hand would ram this awfully small blade held horizontally into the lion’s open mouth, then quickly rotate it to vertical, and in one smooth lethal motion, yank it back out, with the predator’s throat attached.  Or was it vertical, then horizontal…

So was Bart insane enough to accept Nemu’s offer?  Weren’t there some far more effective methods of keeping lions at bay as the Maasai men formed a defensive ring around their camp?  More about these Tanzanian tribespeople in further pages.  Visit https://www/BartsBooks.com.

 

October 31, 2023

Modern Mismatch

He was the kind of sport who sought to win her favor by showing her his Fitbit numbers.  Alas, she was the kind of lady who left with his friend who was sporting a Rolex.

Afterthought.  In the contest of carrots vs. carats, she may find your being a healthy vegan rather sweet, just so long as you take her dine on your thousand-acre cattle ranch.  In displays of personal power, currency counts.

Do you know who said:

“Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most  wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things  for the greatest good of everyone.”

Hint: This most influential economist of the 20^th Century believed that the spending habits of folks are whimsically erratic, and if you’d really like a little economic stability, perhaps government might do something other than look on in wise and masterful inactivity.

 The Answer to Last Week’s Quote,

The person who said ““The American people are quite competent to judge a political party that works both sides of the street.” Was Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Work Wit:

What Price Beauty…America is the only nation where you can become a hedge fund manager, psychologist, financial advisor or priest by simply hanging out a shingle.  But to become a beautician

You must pass an exam and buy a license.  After all, we have our professional priorities.

Biz Quiz: What is the startup cost of a new beauty & hair salon? Most of the 1.4 million Hair and Nail salons in the U.S. spent between $120,000 and $600,000 to open their doors.  Nationally, men and women spend $49 billion and $528. billion globally in hopes of beautifying themselves.

 

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

 

COMPUTER SCREEN – An oscillating piece of addiction that mysteriously makes itself smarter through increased use, while having the reverse effect on its operator.

                     Finally, Good News

The world had opened before Maggie Doyne.  She was 18, just graduated from Mendham New Jersey High School, and her backpack was all loaded for a trip “off to see the world.”  High in the Nepalese Himalayas, Maggie befriended a six-year-old girl in need of – everything.  She became determined to break the cycle of poverty first for this girl’s family – then for others.  And so the revolution began.

Today, Maggie Doyne’s BlinkNow Foundation runs and operates the Kopila Valley School, a children’s home, women’s center, and an expanded new 400-student campus, erected with astoundingly inventive environmentally sustainable features that are being emulated worldwide.

Who says 18 is too young to begin changing the world?

 

Want to Pitch In?  Visit www.blinknow.org.  Read the BlinkNow story; consider donating cash, books, school supplies….and perhaps have your son, daughter, parents join Maggie’s team over in Nepal for a life-uplifting experience. Why not? 

 

*****

October 24, 2023

Speaking of Honor… You should have seen our CEO appealing to the board of directors’ sense of honor.  It was like watching a violinist trying to saw down a tree: he had the right motion, he just was using the wrong tool.

 Afterthought.  Alas, greed and fear of greedy shareholders can all too often blanket board members’ vision of pursuing the honorable course.  Thus the wise CEO is one who can lead her team along a profitable path to the most ethical decisions.

Do you know who said:

“The American people are quite competent to judge a political party that works both sides of the street.”

Hint: This 32^nd President of the United States, despite being stricken with polio, bootstrapped our nation out of its worst depression, led us confidently through the world’s greatest war, and dealt with everyone from Joseph Stalin to the opposing party to achieve progress. (He also coined the term “Arsenal of Democracy.”

The Answer to Last Week’s Quote,

“Science is a first-rate piece of furniture for a man’s upper chamber, if he has common sense on the ground floor.” Was Oliver Wendell Holmes.

Work Wit:  Who Makes the Wealth?…Most owners will gleefully spend a major percentage of their company’s earnings to upgrade the firm’s machines, while begrudging every dime spent paying or training the folks who run them.

Biz Quiz:  What’s the percentage of U.S. Businesses’ earnings spent on technology upgrades per year? Answer: 3.2 for large corporations; 4.1 for midsize firms; 6.9 for small companies.  Amount spent on training America’s civilian workforce: $595.80 per employee per year.

Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

EMPLOYEE – 1) A potential entrepreneur who holds the dream in his pocket but has somehow misplaced the courage.  2) The source of all business innovation.

News Flash!  Prepare to Be Uplifted  “Finally, Good News” Comes to https://www.bartsboooks.com

We feel it, we benefit from it, but too often we never see it.  It’s that quiet, insistent stream of progress running beneath us, carried forward by the most fascinating, energetic individuals and the highest-achieving organizations in our society.  And we at BartsBooks have decided it is high time that we bring their light to light up your days.  Forget the mayhem mongers of mass media and the nightly news who focus only on a miniscule aberrant fringe.  Finally, Good News presents those hidden legions of dedicated, world-enhancing individuals.  Their creativity is astounding, and their accomplishments seem unimaginable.

So the next time you are about to gripe that the whole world is going to hell:

Click onto https://www.bartsboooks.com– Click on the Finally Good News button – and discover how Tom Johnson heals thousands with his Africa Surgery, Inc…how the health & human services non-profit “211” helped 20 million suffering people through last year.

And in the future…

You will read about the global hunger-fighter who feeds more people in a week than Elon Musk has fired in a lifetime. You’ll learn how a certain savvy investor has funded the planting more trees than any PAC fund has seeded dollars to grow political influence.

Do you have a creative contributor to share with us?  Write us at  info@bartsbooks.com

 

October 16,2023

Subject: Too Much of a Good Thing

Fifty years ago Boomers were instructed that their future lay in putting plastics into everything. Now Gen Z is instructed that their future depends on getting those plastics outside of themselves.

Afterthought. “I want to say one word to you – just one: Plastics. The future lies in plastics.” In the 1967 film The Graduate, veteran businessman Mr. McGuire’s career advice to young Benjamin Braddock (played by Dustin Hoffman) was understood as a sign for generational change. And so it is today.

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Do you know who said:

“What divides people is less a difference in ideas than a likeness in pretensions.”

Hint: This early 19th Century poet/songwriter, known as “the first superstar of French popular music,” was sent to jail for satirizing Parisians in power, where he penned some of his greatest hits.

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Work Wit:

Market vs. Manufacture… Just because a person is very good at advertising himself, doesn’t mean he has the best product.

Biz Quiz: How many applications does it take to get hired? Americans who send out 21 to 80 applications have a one-in-three chance of getting hired. But statistically, those who send out more than 80, stand only a one-in-four chance.

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Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It

FRACKING – A costly, brilliantly engineered invention for producing gradual genocide in the species of its originator, with a byproduct of large amounts of released gas. (See also Government.)

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Snippet from my new book: Fellow Travelers

Ignore the white hair, this lean looking hiker strode up the hill from Berchtesgaden with a gait that made it clear: this was not a man you’d want to mess with. As we crested the summit and beheld Adolf Hiltler’s historical Eagle’s Nest getaway, this gentleman tapped my shoulder, introduced himself as James, and then from his wallet pulled out a aged, black-and-white photo of himself in an American uniform, perched atop the German Fuehrer’s beloved monument, tearing down the giant swastika in 1945…

What was James’ story? Did he actually drink wine from Hitler’s bunker? Visit Bartsbooks.com to discover more Fellow Travelers.