November 30,2023
Who Owns Whom?
As we cram more stuff into our lives, houses have necessarily grown larger and individuals have necessarily grown smaller, and of less importance.
Afterthought. “He who dies with the most toys wins,” may be the mantra of the mid and older generations, but a refreshing breeze is blowing from so many of the younger generation who refuse to see themselves as merely consumers.
Do You Know Who Said:
“Always carry a flagon of whisky in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.”
Hint: This Hollywood wit said “go away kid you bother me,” but was more than willing to answer Mae West’s call when she beckoned with “Come on up and see me.”
Answer to Last Week’s Quote
The person who said “The CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn’t let them into the family brokerage business,” was Lyndon Johnson.
Work Wit Put a “Special Sale” sign beside it and a Santa’s hat on top of it and you can charge anything you want for it after Thanksgiving.
Biz Quiz: How much did frantic retail shoppers spend on Black Friday in 2023? Americans spent $9.8 billion on retail goods this day after Thanksgiving – up 7.6 percent from last year.
Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It
PLEASURE – A raw human emotion from which we mold the backbone of the American economy.
Snippet from my upcoming book: Fellow Travelers
The World Fixer
It seemed a fairly standard upscale Cairo apartment, except that all upholstered furniture lay carefully blanketed with newspapers to catch droppings from the wounded fish eagle who screamed just overhead as we entered. Rose and her exquisitely tolerant husband had found this injured raptor hopping along the Nile and had brought it home to nurse its recovery. While penning an article on Cairo’s nefarious Pet Market, I had invited passionate animal advocate Rose to join Lorraine and me as we toured the stalls ‘neath the broiling Egyptian sun. She was a whirlwind. Grabbing a vendor’s galabeya, she pointed to his cage crammed with tortoises stacked like cordwood and demanded he give them better treatment. A tall, bewildered seller of secretary birds and an albino crocodile came under her wrath as Rose screamingly cited CITES illegal trade laws and threatened to bring this man to justice. Even on our way to her home, Rose lectured our taxi driver – a father of seven – how Allah would better favor those with minimal means who practiced birth control.
Rose was truly an individual fireball, whose sole ambition was to make ours a better world. And if we are lucky, our world will begin to grow a lot more Roses, for our own sakes.
To learn more about Rose and how she is reforming Cairo by storm, visit BartsBooks.com.
November 23,2023
Blissful Ignorance
My new FamilyLurk spy app tracks the every movement of my spouse and children. The new deluxe model tracks my blood pressure and sends alerts when I learn the results.
Afterthought. Apparently we don’t have enough anxiety buttons in our civilized life, so we have to send our prayers to the technology deities to help us foster a few more. If we trusted our loved ones to live their own lives, do you suppose we might better tend to our own? Nah, probably not.
Do You Know Who Said: “The CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn’t let them into the family brokerage business.”
Hint: This legendary legislator and President who pushed through the 1964 Civil Rights Act, also noted that, “The guns, and the bombs, the rockets and the warships are all symbols of human failure.”
Answer to Last Week’s Quote
The person who said “I am not against hasty marriages, where a mutual flame is fanned by an adequate income,” was Will Durant.
Work Wit
Marketing is the art of seducing folks to poke their noses into your business. Sales is the art of making them want to pay for the privilege.
Biz Quiz: During the last decade, what percentage of newly launched marketing firms are founded/headed by women? Approximately 80 percent.
Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It
ETHICS – A set of lofty behavioral standards designed by a group of scoundrels as a fig leaf to cover a furtive tradition of disreputable actions. See also U.S. Supreme Court.
November 7th, 2023
The Ghouls Among Us
This Halloween my son wanted to dress up as a politician, but we couldn’t find an orange prison jumpsuit in his size.
Afterthought. Nonetheless I think the boy has real political potential. He has convinced the neighbor kids to go trick-or-treating, give him their candy, and then pay him for the privilege of participating in his Halloween Action Committee.
Do you know who said:
“Meetings are indispensible when you don’t want to do anything.”
Hint: This Canadian American economist guided five Democratic presidents, served as a Harvard professor for half a century, and authored 40 books – including The Affluent Society which outlined the rise of post World War II income disparity.
Answer to Last Week’s Quote
The person who said. “Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone,” Was John Maynard Keynes.
Work Wit
Hire Education…I have a solution to the illegal child labor problem. Just send all underage children to college – and you’ll never get a lick of work out of them after that.
Biz Quiz: What is the minimum legal age for non-agricultural labor in the United States? With some exceptions, age 14. (Currently 16 states are structuring bills to remove all age limits.)
Are child labor violations on the rise? 2022 saw the number of children working in violation of child labor laws rise 37 percent over the previous year and 283 percent over 2015.
Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It
Liquor – The cure for all old ills, and the creator of fresh new ones.
Snippet from my new book: Fellow Travelers
Into the Jaws
Nemu’s coal-black lips pulled back into a broad smile revealing glistening rows of white teeth. “Every one of our young men must learn how to kill a lion to gain his manhood,” explained Nemu. “It is necessary for us.” Reverently raising the crescent ebony blade in his fist, he placed it in my hand. “I can teach you how. I know you can do this.” My own face winced into a dubious skepticism as my fingers gripped the handle of this flat curved wooden tool that reminded me of my mother’s vegetable chopper. Disbelief blurred most of the Maasai warrior’s words as he detailed how my hand would ram this awfully small blade held horizontally into the lion’s open mouth, then quickly rotate it to vertical, and in one smooth lethal motion, yank it back out, with the predator’s throat attached. Or was it vertical, then horizontal…
So was Bart insane enough to accept Nemu’s offer? Weren’t there some far more effective methods of keeping lions at bay as the Maasai men formed a defensive ring around their camp? More about these Tanzanian tribespeople in further pages. Visit https://www/BartsBooks.com.
October 31, 2023
Modern Mismatch
He was the kind of sport who sought to win her favor by showing her his Fitbit numbers. Alas, she was the kind of lady who left with his friend who was sporting a Rolex.
Afterthought. In the contest of carrots vs. carats, she may find your being a healthy vegan rather sweet, just so long as you take her dine on your thousand-acre cattle ranch. In displays of personal power, currency counts.
Do you know who said:
“Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.”
Hint: This most influential economist of the 20th Century believed that the spending habits of folks are whimsically erratic, and if you’d really like a little economic stability, perhaps government might do something other than look on in wise and masterful inactivity.
The Answer to Last Week’s Quote,
The person who said ““The American people are quite competent to judge a political party that works both sides of the street.” Was Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
Work Wit:
What Price Beauty…America is the only nation where you can become a hedge fund manager, psychologist, financial advisor or priest by simply hanging out a shingle. But to become a beautician
You must pass an exam and buy a license. After all, we have our professional priorities.
Biz Quiz: What is the startup cost of a new beauty & hair salon? Most of the 1.4 million Hair and Nail salons in the U.S. spent between $120,000 and $600,000 to open their doors. Nationally, men and women spend $49 billion and $528. billion globally in hopes of beautifying themselves.
Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It
COMPUTER SCREEN – An oscillating piece of addiction that mysteriously makes itself smarter through increased use, while having the reverse effect on its operator.
Finally, Good News
The world had opened before Maggie Doyne. She was 18, just graduated from Mendham New Jersey High School, and her backpack was all loaded for a trip “off to see the world.” High in the Nepalese Himalayas, Maggie befriended a six-year-old girl in need of – everything. She became determined to break the cycle of poverty first for this girl’s family – then for others. And so the revolution began.
Today, Maggie Doyne’s BlinkNow Foundation runs and operates the Kopila Valley School, a children’s home, women’s center, and an expanded new 400-student campus, erected with astoundingly inventive environmentally sustainable features that are being emulated worldwide.
Who says 18 is too young to begin changing the world?
Want to Pitch In? Visit www.blinknow.org. Read the BlinkNow story; consider donating cash, books, school supplies….and perhaps have your son, daughter, parents join Maggie’s team over in Nepal for a life-uplifting experience. Why not?
*****
October 24, 2023
Speaking of Honor… You should have seen our CEO appealing to the board of directors’ sense of honor. It was like watching a violinist trying to saw down a tree: he had the right motion, he just was using the wrong tool.
Afterthought. Alas, greed and fear of greedy shareholders can all too often blanket board members’ vision of pursuing the honorable course. Thus the wise CEO is one who can lead her team along a profitable path to the most ethical decisions.
Do you know who said:
“The American people are quite competent to judge a political party that works both sides of the street.”
Hint: This 32nd President of the United States, despite being stricken with polio, bootstrapped our nation out of its worst depression, led us confidently through the world’s greatest war, and dealt with everyone from Joseph Stalin to the opposing party to achieve progress. (He also coined the term “Arsenal of Democracy.”
The Answer to Last Week’s Quote,
“Science is a first-rate piece of furniture for a man’s upper chamber, if he has common sense on the ground floor.” Was Oliver Wendell Holmes.
Work Wit: Who Makes the Wealth?…Most owners will gleefully spend a major percentage of their company’s earnings to upgrade the firm’s machines, while begrudging every dime spent paying or training the folks who run them.
Biz Quiz: What’s the percentage of U.S. Businesses’ earnings spent on technology upgrades per year? Answer: 3.2 for large corporations; 4.1 for midsize firms; 6.9 for small companies. Amount spent on training America’s civilian workforce: $595.80 per employee per year.
Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It
EMPLOYEE – 1) A potential entrepreneur who holds the dream in his pocket but has somehow misplaced the courage. 2) The source of all business innovation.
News Flash! Prepare to Be Uplifted “Finally, Good News” Comes to https://www.bartsboooks.com
We feel it, we benefit from it, but too often we never see it. It’s that quiet, insistent stream of progress running beneath us, carried forward by the most fascinating, energetic individuals and the highest-achieving organizations in our society. And we at BartsBooks have decided it is high time that we bring their light to light up your days. Forget the mayhem mongers of mass media and the nightly news who focus only on a miniscule aberrant fringe. Finally, Good News presents those hidden legions of dedicated, world-enhancing individuals. Their creativity is astounding, and their accomplishments seem unimaginable.
So the next time you are about to gripe that the whole world is going to hell:
Click onto https://www.bartsboooks.com– Click on the Finally Good News button – and discover how Tom Johnson heals thousands with his Africa Surgery, Inc…how the health & human services non-profit “211” helped 20 million suffering people through last year.
And in the future…
You will read about the global hunger-fighter who feeds more people in a week than Elon Musk has fired in a lifetime. You’ll learn how a certain savvy investor has funded the planting more trees than any PAC fund has seeded dollars to grow political influence.
Do you have a creative contributor to share with us? Write us at info@bartsbooks.com
October 16,2023
Subject: Too Much of a Good Thing
Fifty years ago Boomers were instructed that their future lay in putting plastics into everything. Now Gen Z is instructed that their future depends on getting those plastics outside of themselves.
Afterthought. “I want to say one word to you – just one: Plastics. The future lies in plastics.” In the 1967 film The Graduate, veteran businessman Mr. McGuire’s career advice to young Benjamin Braddock (played by Dustin Hoffman) was understood as a sign for generational change. And so it is today.
Do you know who said:
“What divides people is less a difference in ideas than a likeness in pretensions.”
Hint: This early 19th Century poet/songwriter, known as “the first superstar of French popular music,” was sent to jail for satirizing Parisians in power, where he penned some of his greatest hits.
Work Wit:
Market vs. Manufacture… Just because a person is very good at advertising himself, doesn’t mean he has the best product.
Biz Quiz: How many applications does it take to get hired? Americans who send out 21 to 80 applications have a one-in-three chance of getting hired. But statistically, those who send out more than 80, stand only a one-in-four chance.
Curmudgeopedia – Devilish Definitions of Life as We Live It
FRACKING – A costly, brilliantly engineered invention for producing gradual genocide in the species of its originator, with a byproduct of large amounts of released gas. (See also Government.)
Snippet from my new book: Fellow Travelers
Ignore the white hair, this lean looking hiker strode up the hill from Berchtesgaden with a gait that made it clear: this was not a man you’d want to mess with. As we crested the summit and beheld Adolf Hiltler’s historical Eagle’s Nest getaway, this gentleman tapped my shoulder, introduced himself as James, and then from his wallet pulled out a aged, black-and-white photo of himself in an American uniform, perched atop the German Fuehrer’s beloved monument, tearing down the giant swastika in 1945…
What was James’ story? Did he actually drink wine from Hitler’s bunker? Visit Bartsbooks.com to discover more Fellow Travelers.