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Amazon’s Hot New Release – In The Words of My Wife’s Husband

At last, here is your complete sourcebook of business humor.  Here’s your chance to dip in, seize a fistful of wry wit, and pass it along to your fellow chaingangers at work.  Bart Jackson believes that the greatest wisdom flies in on the wings of laughter, and for the last decade he’s become known as the man who portrays business in the jocular vein.   Bart’s Business Quips books have provided professionals with barrelsful of quotable zingers to spice up their workdays and their presentations.   As host of The Art of the CEO radio show, Bart has been joyously jesting at the lunacies, piercing the pomposities, and celebrating those clever, inventive folks who make up the business community.  This volume culls and combines the very best and funniest of his quips, jovial repartee with radio guests, and those sardonic, final takeaway Parting Shots which Bart always launches with, “In the Words of My Wife’s Husband….”  May you read, laugh, share, and grow nearly wise. P.S. Don’t miss Bart’s Curmudgeonopedia with its devilish definitions of business jargon.

               www.amazon.com 

 

Who Said?

“I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building.  I felt better right away.”

The controversial, counter-culture comedian authored Brain Droppings, and made millions laugh over his routine: “The Seven Dirty Words that are keeping us from winning the war.”

– George Carlin

             

 

Laughter Vaccine Your protection against taking today too seriously

Bart’s elevator pitch is brilliantly clever.  Trouble is, unless the elevator runs from Baltimore to Bangor, he can never finish it.

***

 I truly admire everyone efforts to fill us with good cheer during these times, and I’m sure I could pull myself out of the dumps if only my investments would turn around and lead the way.  (When the liquor business booms – beware your portfolio, my friend.)

***

Now that the president’s name is printed on the stimulus checks, they may be issued in hopes that, like a small child swallowing a dime, they may quickly pass through, providing no effect on the child, and go on to stimulate the corporations so desperately in need.  (Notice: they were not called “public aid checks.)

***

Our office is finally opening up, rotating small groups back in, beginning with the most essential.  Based on my value, looks as if I’ve got a vacation until November.

***

I don’t get all this fuss about wearing masks. Most folks I meet put on a mask every day to protect me from discovering their darker side.  So now their being encouraged to mask up and protect themselves from my darker, diseased side.  What’s the big deal?

***

Campaigning politicians have gotten so desperate during this lockdown that they have stopped begging for your money and are actually phoning to explain why they’d like your vote.

***

Covid-19 lockdown has been particularly tough on the young.  Many teens have become so bored they are reduced to texting their own parents across the dinner table – and not asking for money.

***

 If you doubt that this virus has perched every sector of America on the edge of financial ruin – wait a minute.  There’s bound to be a telebeggar calling in who will happily explain it to you.

***

I learned that the Rockettes are giving free aerobic classes online.  So I grabbed a cold beer, tuned in, and I must say it really works – my heart hasn’t raced this fast in years.

***

 I truly admire everyone efforts to fill us with good cheer during these times, and I’m sure I could pull myself out of the dumps if only my investments would turn around and lead the way.  (When the liquor business booms – beware your portfolio, my friend.)

***

Now that the president’s name is printed on the stimulus checks, they may be issued in hopes that, like a small child swallowing a dime, they may quickly pass through, providing no effect on the child, and go on to stimulate the corporations so desperately in need.  (Notice: they were not called “public aid checks.)

***

The surest way to avoid the truth is to seek it in a survey.  Do you a) strongly agree. b) strongly disagree c) don’t give a damn.

***

This morning I knocked on the back door of a store and a man wearing a mask sold me one large pack of toilet paper. I felt half way between the 1950’s Soviet communist shopper and a Prohibition era alcoholic trying to enter a speakeasy.

 

This virus is harsh – I’ve finally learned to handle the social distancing, but it’s the fiscal distancing – watching my money drift ever further away, that’s crushing me.

***

One thing I’ve learned from this virus is gratitude for everything from friendship to toilet paper.  Before it, I was like the farmer so busy praying for rain that I forgot to hold out my cup in a thunderstorm.

 ***

Social Media is a mask that allows you to scream to an audience of thousands tales that would make you blush crimson if told to one friend in a bar room.

Happy Bastille Day

On July 14, 1789, the French common people had had enough.  The indulgent, absolutist monarchy of Louis XVI and his predecessors had left the nation woefully impoverished, and bereft of freedoms.  The state had set up a sly, Stainesque system of spying that allowed a single accusatory letter to place “enemies of the king” in jail for life. Power corrupted – freedom denied.  For the people of France, the time had come for justifiable action.  And the French patriots did indeed.

The French protestors launched their much-needed revolution by marching on the Bastille prison which stood as a massive stone symbol of their oppression (and of course, held a large supply of needed gunpowder.)  But when they flung wide the portals of this state dungeon, people discovered it had only seven prisoners remaining.  It was, by 1789, mostly disused.

So allow me to join in praising those courageous French freedom fighters, along with every individual in every land who raises the cry for liberty, equality, and fraternity.  And may we also, if I may, add the plea for common sense to select the real targets and come up with practical ways to force the fix we so desperately need, rather than opting to harpoon the largest chunk of marble because it is so convenient.   Taking aim at old physical targets is easy and emotive.  Digging in to find real solutions is often less glamorous and takes much more work.  But that is the path for the courageous among us.

May we all exercise our freedoms and find some fun this day,

Wishing you every success,

  • Bart Jackson