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Work Wit – What’s Funny About Business

The American Way… As a patriotic gentleman of business, I whole-heartedly support all legislators who give contracts to my firm.  Of course, those who give contracts to my competitors are irresponsible wastrels and darn fools.

Biz Quiz:  How many government contractors are employed in the U.S.?  You are paying for 5,294 contractors – 55% are male – average age is 46.

Re-sculpting Your Career – Post-Covid Opportunities

Fortune now smiles on the energized employee willing to take his/her current skills and apply them in a new field. On Friday, February 24, 10 a.m. at the Princeton Public Library Bart Jackson will speak to the Professional Service Group of Mercer County. Admission is free, all are welcome – virtual attendance is also available: register on the PSG website www.psgofmercercounty.org.

Bart lays out a practical plan for searching out what businesses are seeking, how to navigate your professional switch, and how to negotiate your way into a more profitable career. In his words, “If you thought the business talent hunt was immense before Covid, wait until you see what’s waiting for you today.”

Best Revenge

I invested my life savings in a not-so-mutual fund that apparently bought my broker’s new home in Aruba.  He explained that this monetary shift was covered under the contract clause, “Individual results may vary.”

 

Afterthought.  The only just solution is for you to send tickets to your nagging mother-in-law, your out-of-work brother, and your dropout daughter and offer them free rooms in your new house.  If your broker wants to rob what is yours, insist he take the whole package.

Business Quips – The Art of the CEO Radio

Work Wit

Work Wit – New Networking Variant…Before Covid, businessfolks would gather and brag shamelessly about how well their ventures were gushing profits.  Now, the networking competition is to brag about how savage a loss you’ve manfully endured.

Biz Stats:  Number of business networking conversations containing total unvarnished accuracy:  one in every 10,000 (best estimate.) 

WORK WIT: Current Cash Currents…Crypto currency is a golden elephant held aloft on a fragile scaffolding on which money is transferred from the greedy & gullible to those who can spin the best rumor.

Biz Stats:  With nearly 500 billion real dollars traded daily in over 20,000 crypto currencies, and no secure equivalent of the S.E.C. to provide any transactional legitimacy,  here lies a risk-takers haven.

WORK WIT – Fun Business  And See the World…

Stationary bicycles are once again taking their proper, pre-pandemic place in society: out on the curb, under the “Best Offer” sign.

Biz Stats:  Peleton third-quarter revenue 2021: $1.262 billion.  2022 most optimistic 4th Qtr. estimate: $675 million.

First exercise bicycle: Gymnasticon in 1796. E-bicycle sales rise between 2021 and 2022: 240%.  https://www.bartsbooks.com

WORK WIT – Fun Business  – It’s a Bird…It’s a Plane…

Since our payroll department switched to a drone delivery system, I haven’t seen a check in months – just about the time our neighbor purchased that new fully loaded Tesla.

Biz Quiz.  How soon will commercial drone delivery enter our lives? Most optimistic estimates say early 2024.  If you think you have tech troubles now, just wait until they institute drone commuting.   Https://www.bartsbooks.com

Work Wit: Retirement affords you the time to re-write your own history and deem your career a success.

Afterthought. As my wife’s husband always says, youth’s a blunder, old age a regret, then senility’s bliss allows you to forget.

Work Wit:  Sharing Your Wealth – A financial planner is an individual who has not been able to make himself rich, but who sincerely believes that with your money he can make you both rich.

Afterthought. Sometimes, after talking with my financial planner, I feel like the drowning man being asked by the yacht captain to throw him a rope.

WORK WIT; Our poor CEO has become so aged and feeble that he’s incapable of getting anything any more, except his own way.

Afterthought. Just because there’s a mask of wrinkles in the grin, does not mean that a sly fox isn’t lurking within. 

WORK WIT; Perhaps a Change of Title…They never got any work out of Robert as an employee, so management has decited to hire him as a consultant.  Hope springs eternal.

Biz Quiz:  What do you call a person who bursts into your office, raises everyone’s hopes and expectations – performs no work – then sends you a whopping bill?    Answer: A consultant.

WORK WIT: Sharing Your Wealth – A financial planner is an individual who has not been able to make himself rich, but who sincerely believes that with your money he can make you both rich.

Afterthought. Sometimes, after talking with my financial planner, I feel like the drowning man being asked by the yacht captain to throw him a rope.

WORK WIT: Nearly-rugged Individuals – An entrepreneur is someone who believes she would be successful, if only she had the right boss.

Biz Quiz:   What percent of startups fail within the first two years? Answer: 60 – 80 percent – Depending on the survey source.

Work Wit – IPO Under the Skin – Reverse mergers are a bit like the young elephant who allows  himself to be swallowed by an old snake so that he may more easily slither into greener pastures.

Afterthought. ‘Tis a heady experience to launch an IPO on a major exchange.  Just beware of the many strangling coils that may come with    the invested cash.

Work Wit – Pearls Beyond Price – If you can afford to pay your people what they’re worth – you need better people.

Biz Quiz:  What nation’s employees work the longest hours on average?
Answer: United States. (over 2200 hours annually.

WORK WIT: Sharing Your Wealth – A financial planner is an individual who has not been able to make himself rich, but who sincerely believes that with your money he can make you both rich.

Afterthought. Sometimes, after talking with my financial planner, I feel like the drowning man being asked by the yacht captain to throw him a rope.

 Work Wit:Security Blight – a password is a safeguard preventing its originator from gaining access to her own information, while affording only a minor delay to hackers who have no right to it.

Biz Quiz: Who has the larger number of cybersecurity companies –  Britain, United States, or the European Union? Answer: The United States with an estimated 1600+ firms.

                

 

WORK WIT:  Under Suspicion – A merger is a business deal involving two parties who feel cheated, two parties who swear they made out like bandits, making in all two.

Biz Quiz:  What’s the largest merger in history?   While others are in the works, the $360-billion blending of AOL & Time Warner in 2000 still tops the charts – temporarily. https://www.bartsbooks.com